


Have Heart, Save the Werewolf

by WalkingThePlank



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bars and Pubs, Cuddling, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Getting Together, Grown ass men being mean to one another for no other reason than ego, Happy Ending, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts, Love Triangles, M/M, Pining, Professor Harry Potter, Severus Snape is emotionally stunted, Sick Character, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Werewolf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 30,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21635188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkingThePlank/pseuds/WalkingThePlank
Summary: *This is primarily a Severus/Harry story, but with various characters depicted in other relationships as a plot deviceHarry Potter is now a professor at Hogwarts and has been in love with Remus Lupin for as long as he can remember. He finally finds the courage within himself to tell him how he feels, only for Remus to turn him away. With a broken heart, he finds solace in the last man he'd expect: Severus Snape. Everything begins to change. Sometimes, we think we know what we want. Until we don't. Nothing is as it seems.Warnings:Harry is depicted as being madly in love with Remus Lupin in the beginning. There will be plenty of jealousy and Harry kissing another character. This is a slow burn with some twists and turns but is primarily and ultimately a story of Severus Snape and Harry Potter falling in love, despite their past, despite their present, despite all of the responsibilities both men have unfairly thrust upon them.Plenty of swearing.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Remus Lupin/Harry Potter, background Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger
Comments: 43
Kudos: 323





	1. Chapter 1

Severus awakened to the sound of fists pounding against the door to his personal rooms. He was alarmed, rather than annoyed. Albus never came to the dungeons himself, he’d always beckoned him to his own office instead. And his students should all certainly be asleep at this hour. He shuffled his tired feet as quickly as they’d allow across the cold dungeon floor. Severus pulled the door open without hesitation. At his door was the last person he’d ever expect to see at four o’clock on a Thursday morning.  
Harry Potter.  
The young man’s body shook rigidly as he sobbed.  
“Potter?”  
He pulled his hands slowly away from his face, his fingers trembling. His lips quivered and he gasped for air. Tears fell quickly from those famous green eyes.  
“Breathe, Potter.”  
It took him several attempts to even his breathing enough to finally speak.  
“I need…”  
What do you need, Potter? Are you in pain?”  
He nodded. Severus had never seen him so distraught, not even before Voldemort’s fall.  
“Should I take you to Madame Pomfrey?”  
He shook his head.  
Severus sighed. “Tell me what is wrong.”  
“He… he doesn’t… want me!” The sobbing returned, his chest expanded greatly with each gasp for air. “Make it stop! Please, make it stop!”  
“Who does not want you to do what?”  
Harry shook his head. “I love him. And he… he doesn’t want me. I hurt! I hurt so badly. Make it stop. Like… like the opposite of amortentia. Is there anything like that? There must be.”  
Severus had never been skilled at comforting or soothing other people. There was not a wizard alive who believed otherwise. And now Severus could understand why Harry had come to him. Severus knew the purpose he so often served for others.  
Potter thought he wanted a potion, something to numb the heartache. But what Severus knew he really wanted was to be berated, to have someone argue with him. He wanted somewhere else to direct his hurt and anger.  
Severus wouldn’t give it to him.  
Not this time.  
He was done fulfilling that purpose. He’d had enough of being the villain.  
So, instead, he stepped forward into the doorway and wrapped his arms around the young man and held him. Harry continued to tremble and sob, so Severus held tighter. Harry didn’t fight him, and Severus didn’t let go. The wails came further and further apart. His body began to relax. The shaking all but stopped. And, finally, he wrapped his own arms around Severus’s waist.  
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d offered anyone comfort. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d embraced another.  
And he certainly couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a head of unruly hair tucked beneath his chin. It smelled wonderful and he inhaled the scent deeply. He filled his lungs with the pleasant smell of the saviour in his arms. He nuzzled his chin and nose into the thick dark hair. Harry moved his face into the crook of Severus’s neck.  
“If he is idiotic enough to deny you, he is too idiotic to deserve you. Do you understand me?”  
“Thank you,” he whispered. He pushed himself up onto his toes, kissed Severus’s cheek, and walked away.  
Severus watched him retreat until his silhouette was swallowed by the darkness of the dungeon corridor.  
Severus tried to find sleep again, but he found that he was too unnerved to do so. 

He went about the following day as if nothing had ever happened. He taught his classes. He ate his meals. He marked essays. Occasionally a thought of green eyes attempted to make itself known in his consciousness but Severus pushed it away.  
He didn’t particularly want to seek Harry out. He didn’t want to speak to him. When had he ever? But he could admit he was curious as to who had been able to upset him so much the previous night. Who had such power over the saviour, to wrap him around their finger? But he would be fine without the answers. Or, that’s what he told himself.  
To make it to the further, usually abandoned, stairwell to retreat to the dungeons, one would pass by Remus Lupin’s quarters. Severus would occasionally see the man in passing when he took this path, and they would bow their heads respectfully to one another in greeting. But this evening after supper, he did not see the man.  
Instead he found Harry Potter sitting in the corridor, his back against the cold, stone wall.  
He sighed. He didn’t want to be involved. He didn’t want a repeat of the night before. He fully intended to walk quietly by as if he’d not even seen the man, but that is not what happened. Instead, he stopped.  
He slowly looked from Harry, to the entrance to Remus’s rooms, and back to Harry.  
Ah. That made sense.  
“No. Get up.” He reached down and grabbed Harry by his elbow, forcing him to stand. “If you told someone you were not interested, and then found them waiting for you outside of your rooms, would it change your mind?”  
Harry looked at him guiltily.  
“No, it would not. You are not a lost puppy. Have dignity. Let Lupin be.”  
“I need to talk to him.”  
“No, you do not. If it were a school matter, you would meet him in his office, not here. You have nothing else to say to him. Not after last night.”  
“That’s easy for you to say. I’m sure you’ve never allowed anyone to break your heart. If you even have a heart, that is.” Harry’s voice lacked the venom required to make his words truly hurt. It was clear he spoke out of sadness, and not in any real attempt to insult him.  
Severus sighed. “That is where you’d be wrong. Unfortunately, I do have a heart. And, unfortunately, it has been broken. You will listen to me and you will return to your own quarters. Do you not see what a great disservice you are doing to yourself?”  
Harry pulled his arm from Severus’s grasp and walked away.  
Severus’s eyes fell closed in frustration with himself. He turned around.  
“Potter. Wait.”  
Harry turned to face him, curious.  
“What is this hold he has on you? A werewolf nearly twice your age?”  
Harry took a step forward. “He’s kind to me.”  
“There are many who are kind to you. A romantic partner ought to be more than kind.”  
“He’s intelligent.”  
“As are many others.”  
“He’s… attractive.”  
“Kind, intelligent, attractive. You’ve described half of the wizarding world. If that is all it takes to bed Harry Potter, I daresay you will easily find others who meet the requirements.”  
Harry snorted humourously. “Good night, Professor.”  
For the second time in a day, Severus watched Harry walk away, feeling oddly disappointed by his departure.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus always sat in the seat closest to the staff entrance to the Great Hall. It made for hasty comings and goings, particularly when he was eager to avoid conversation with another staff member, usually Albus or Minerva. Occasionally Hagrid. Remus and Harry stayed to themselves, as did most of the others.

  
Tonight, however, Harry had sat in the seat next to Severus’s before he’d even arrived. He gritted his teeth and sat next to him. He knew this was a rebellion against Remus. It was his way of telling the werewolf, _‘You’ve upset me so badly, I’d rather sit by my least favourite person here than you.’_  
Severus was sure Remus received the message loud and clear.   
But if Remus were to look at Harry now, he wouldn’t see a brooding, upset man. He’d see a smiling one. Smiling at Severus Snape. 

  
He struck up a conversation with Severus easily. At first talking about lesson plans, then moving on to talk about the difficulties his students had been having. Harry’s impressions of a few of the students made Severus chuckle.  
Harry was charming. Oh, he was charming. And Severus hated it. Hating anyone with the surname of Potter had been the one constant in his life. And now that was gone without any notice.

  
Actually, he began to think, perhaps those feelings had been gone for some time. When, exactly, had he stopped hating this charming brunette next to him?  
Harry placed his hand atop Severus’s and squeezed gently.   
“Thank you,” he said with a small smile. “I needed a friend this evening.”  
Severus looked at Harry, feeling dumbfounded.   
“We aren’t friends.” His words held no anger or hatred. They were simply a fact.   
Harry let out a small sigh, but didn’t move his hand away. “Fine. I suppose I just needed _you_. Whatever you are to me.”

  
Harry stood slowly and looked down at him, waiting.   
Severus couldn’t say what had compelled him to do so, but he stood as well and followed Harry from the room.   
“I’m not too keen on being alone tonight,” Harry said once they were in the dim corridor.   
Severus understood the suggestion but refused to acknowledge it.   
They walked a bit further, closer to where their paths should part. Harry looked at him again. Severus could see him in his peripheral, looking very much as though there were something more he’d like to say. It drove Severus insane. _Spit it out or go away!_  
But he said nothing. 

  
Finally, they approached the staircase, where Severus should descend, and Harry should say goodnight. Instead, they both stepped down into the dungeons stairwell.   
Severus stopped and looked at the shorter man quizzically   
“I said I didn’t want to be alone tonight,” he said insistently.   
“You intend to disrupt my sleep two consecutive nights?”  
“You don’t sleep.”  
“Contrary to popular belief-“  
“-shut up. My rooms or yours?”  
Severus clenched his jaw. “Yours. I feel it would be easier to leave when I desire to do so."  
Harry shrugged and grinned. “Fair enough.”  
They both turned around, towards where Harry’s rooms should be, though Severus wasn’t sure of the exact location. He’d had no reason to go there before.

  
Harry’s rooms were burgundy, nearly the colour found on the Gryffindor crest. Though the accompanying gold was absent, replaced with accents of black leather, marble, and soft tan blankets thrown haphazardly over the back of the chairs in front of the fireplace.   
Harry had the money to afford these fine things. Severus often forgot how wealthy the man was. He didn’t carry himself with the same entitlement that the Malfoys or other wealthy families did.   
He wanted to ask why the hell Harry even spent his time teaching when he could easily afford to travel the world, or relax in a private castle somewhere, with no responsibilities. But he didn’t.   
He tucked that question away for another time.   
He wanted to go to bed.   
He wanted to be far away from Harry Potter.   
“I have a new bottle of bourbon," the young man offered.  
“No, thank you.”  
“Suit yourself.”  
“Oh, I’m capable of drinking. You, however, are not.”  
Harry furrowed his brow but moved towards his bar cart anyways. “A nightcap won’t hurt me.”  
“I’m sure it won’t. I only fear you might hug me again.”  
Harry chuckled. “You hugged me.”  
“I hardly had a choice.” Severus chose the black leather wingback and sat slowly.   
“You always have a choice.”  
“Been reading philosophy texts?”  
“Huh? Oh, er, no. You taught me that.”  
“I doubt I taught you anything.”  
“We’re alone. You can drop the act. Hell, you were nicer to me at dinner with an audience.”  
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”  
Harry took a seat, drink in hand. He rubbed his eyes tiredly.   
“We don’t have to do this,” Severus said.  
“Do what?”  
“Sit here together as if we are friends simply because you panicked and came to me in a moment of weakness. It will not offend me for you to admit that was all it was.”  
“I came to you for a potion.”  
“Yes. So, may I leave or am I obligated to stay a bit longer because of societal ideas of manners?”  
Harry looked him over from the corner of his eye, humour playing on his lips and reddened cheeks.   
“I like you.”  
Severus scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You’ve never.”  
Harry shrugged. “I do now.”  
“Don’t expect me to say it in return.”  
“I won’t.”  
Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head back against his chair, exposing a delectable Adam’s apple.  
Severus swallowed hard and licked his lips.   
“How did he break your heart? I wasn’t aware you were even seeing anyone.”  
“We weren’t seeing one another,” he responded, eyes still closed. “I’ve cared for him for a very long time. I was beginning to think he might feel the same way. Obviously, he doesn’t.”  
“Did he explain why?”  
Harry’s left eye cracked open only enough for him to glance at Severus momentarily.   
“He did, but it was all excuses. I could see that he didn’t mean a word. Which, honestly, doesn’t help.”  
Severus turned his glass over in his hand looking over the melting ice. Nearly time for another drink.   
“Not knowing why makes it more difficult,” he finally said.   
Harry nodded his head in agreement. “I feel like I’ve done something wrong. He and I have always been close.”  
“I want to ask more, but I’m not sure that I should.”  
“I trust you to not get involved.”  
Severus snorted. “Then you know me well.” He sighed. “I suppose I’d like to know what drew you to the werewolf in the first place.”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Well. I can see why he’d turn you down.”  
Harry’s eyes snapped open and his head turned in his direction immediately. The hurt in his eyes was clear.  
“Because I’m a spoiled brat just like my father who basks in his celebrity?”  
“No. Because he’s known you since you were a boy.”  
“As have you yet you’re still here having a drink with me.”  
“Not to mention his relationship with your father.”  
“Over twenty-five years ago.”  
“And he’s terrified to hurt someone. He keeps everyone at arm’s length.”  
“I don’t have to be around him in the form, and even so-“  
He knew Harry wanted to point out how hard it would be to hurt him, given how powerful he was. But he stopped short, afraid it would seem as if he were boasting.  
“I’ve just given you three perfectly reasonable explanations to why he wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with you.”  
“The more likely is that he just doesn’t see himself with me. I’m not attractive enough, or his type at least, perhaps he’d like someone more well-read, someone funnier.”  
“Perhaps someone with higher self-regard.”  
Harry grinned and leaned over enough to swat at his arm.   
The ease at which they shared their space and sat for hours drinking and talking was almost disturbing to Severus. If Remus knew Harry the way the young man was now, his unintentionally flirtatious touches, his humour, the reflection of the fire flickering within those emerald irises- well, then, he was a fool for turning him away.   
He wanted to blame the alcohol for how gently he found himself assessing the man by him. But he knew the alcohol was not the culprit, nor was holding him in his arms the night before.  
No, he’d begun to see Harry differently quite a long time ago. Perhaps even before Harry had started teaching at Hogwarts.  
Harry accio’d the bottle and poured Severus and himself each another glass.   
“Last night you said he was a fool to turn me down.”  
“Mm.”  
“And now?”  
“I still think him a fool.”  
Harry grinned. “Thank you.”  
“I don’t believe he’s ever had a romantic partner. I think it could be good for him. And,” Severus took a long drink, thinking over his words carefully. “And, despite understanding his reluctancy, I think he’d be lucky to have you. I also think he knows that.”  
“Really?”  
Severus shrugged. He was hesitant to tell Harry the truth, but he found himself saying it anyways. “There is a way he looks at you...”  
Harry smiled, his eyebrows rose high into the strands of dark hair that fell into his face. “Do you think I have a chance?”  
“That I cannot tell you.”  
Harry leaned forward and squeezed Severus’s thigh just above his knee appreciatively. “Thank you.”  
He felt his pulse quicken at the innocent touch. “To be clear, Potter. I am not encouraging you to pursue him. I feel that would be unwise.” He pushed himself out of the comfortable chair and walked to the door. “Goodnight, Professor Potter.”  
“Goodnight, Professor Snape.”

Severus took one last look at Harry before leaving. He looked as if the warmth of the room, large chair, and alcohol was finally bringing him peace. His eyes were closed, spreading his dark lashes out along his tanned cheeks. His chest expanded and contracted in an even rhythm. 

Gods, he was beautiful.

Lupin didn't deserve him. 


	3. Chapter 3

He looked in the mirror as he buttoned his shirt up, dreading the coming hour. He couldn't effortlessly make conversation with Remus and pretend nothing had happened between them. He couldn't meet those amber eyes and see anything other than Remus telling him that he'd mistaken the man's affection for romantic love, and that he should leave. And although he'd already avoided him successfully for a few days, he still worried he'd be forced to speak to him before he was ready.

He pushed his fingers through his mess of hair, and assessed his reflection. He wouldn't be able to look any better today.

Harry entered the Great Hall. Dull chatter hummed through the air from the four house tables. The staff table was mostly quiet.

Severus looked up from his meal and met his gaze. He glanced to the seat beside him and back to Harry. An invitation? It didn't matter. Harry's feet had already made a straight line, and before he could think on it too long, he took his place beside the man.

"Thank you," Harry told him. He wasn't sure what he was thinking him for. For opening the door for him two nights prior? For the encouragement? For allowing him to sit by him?

Severus inclined his head just a bit and turned his attention to his tea.

Harry heaped food onto his plate, not even sure of what he was taking. He desperately wanted to look down the table to see Remus. Did he, too, look ridiculously tired from loss of sleep the previous nights? Or did he look well-rested and unaffected?

As if reading his mind, Severus leaned his head a bit closer to Harry's. "Don't," he whispered. "Have dignity."

"Get out of my head," Harry hissed in return, not looking at him.

"Are your occlumency guards not in place?"

"Of course they are."

"Then perhaps I am not in your mind, and you are simply all-too-easy to read."

Harry glared at him then. Severus smirked, looking infuriatingly self-satisfied.

"Are you, or are you not The Saviour of the Wizarding World?"

Harry's eyebrows furrowed. He so detested being called that, but he nodded meekly.

"Then act like it."

Harry learned Severus was left-handed the previous night, as his right hand continuously bumped into Severus's left as they ate. The man never indicated that he was annoyed by it, for which he was grateful. His words were particularly nasty when he was annoyed.

It was a large reason for why they'd barely spoken, despite Harry having been teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts for five years now. Severus so hated to be bothered, and it seemed as though Harry's entire presence bothered him. Harry made it a priority to stay out of his way. It was easier than the bickering that would surely ensue.

But the quiet ease they found sitting together at breakfast was calming and pleasant. Perhaps Harry should have run to him crying years sooner. Harry smiled to himself at the thought.

Soon the one breakfast together had become three meals a day for several weeks. Halloween was quickly approaching, and the students were excited. The Great Hall was deafeningly loud at supper, everyone talking about their plans for the extra day off from classes.

Severus and Harry had taken to speaking quietly between themselves at meals, but it was so loud tonight that they could speak in normal tones and still have the same level of privacy. Not that they particularly needed it. They didn't talk about anything of importance.

Since Harry had learned to avoid Remus, Severus had stopped chiding him about the matter and their conversation had evolved to encompass other areas of interest.

Now they spoke about lesson plans, other residents of Hogwarts, their individual research projects, and even quidditch on occasion. Harry learned Severus had a secret passion for it, and he'd even admitted to following Ginny's professional career and supported her success.

Harry cut into his chicken and idly thought how he wished he'd found this friendship with Severus sooner, but his thoughts were cut short by the feeling of eyes boring into him.

He could often feel when eyes lay on himself a bit too long. It might be a leftover talent from his years as a child thrown into the limelight, or fighting a war for as long as he had. Regardless of why, he felt eyes on him now. As if sensing the tension inside of Harry, Severus looked at him. He looked over Harry's shoulder and back to him.

"Tell me who you are," Severus commanded.

"I am Harry Potter."

"And you will let no man affect you."

Harry grimaced. He couldn't fight the urge. He turned.

Remus's eyes met his. The older man offered him a small, apologetic smile. It wasn't Remus's fault that he didn't want Harry. He shouldn't make the man feel bad for it, should he?

He smiled in return. He could see the relief on his face that Harry's smile had offered him.

Harry turned back to Severus. He rolled his eyes at him.

"I couldn't help it."

"You have abysmal self-control."

"Yeah, yeah."

It'd truly been a confusing few weeks, to say the least. Harry had once sought out every moment he could with Remus. Now he avoided him. Severus had suggested that Remus might have a hesitancy about Harry that didn't involve emotions. Perhaps he did return Harry's feelings but there were other factors that kept him away. Somehow, that made it worse. It made it harder to face Remus, more complicated.

Severus's company now filled the hole left by Remus. Harry thought maybe some part of him sensed that he'd be able to find comfort in the man that night, and that's why he'd awoken him, to literally cry on his shoulder. His sixteen-year-old self would have retched at the thought. He huffed out a chuckle beneath his breath and shook his head.

"What do you find so amusing this evening?" Severus asked between sips of tea.

"Us." He braced himself, expecting Severus to quip about how there was no 'us' and Harry was a nuisance. Instead, Severus said, "Ah. Yes." As if he understood completely.

"I have quite a bit of marking to do tonight."

"As do I, but involving vials of potions. My office, then?"

Harry smiled. He leaned over just enough to touch his shoulder to Severus's affectionately. "Sounds great. See you in a bit?"

Severus took his last bit of tea then stood and left the table. Once Severus was out of the Great Hall, Harry dared another glance at Remus. He stared straight ahead as he chewed. He'd been quiet, not even speaking to Minerva or Hagrid.

He missed him. Christmas was approaching and they'd both be going to visit with Sirius for the holiday. He hoped their relationship might be better by then. He felt lost without the man's presence, and replacing him with Severus's friendship didn't make him feel any less so. If anything, he only felt confused.

He allowed himself to watch Remus just a moment longer. Trying to act as if he wasn't in love with the man was potentially the most difficult task he'd taken on in his tumultuous twenty-seven years of life.

He finally stood and followed Severus from the room.

Severus lifted a student's vial in one hand and his own in the other. He held them both to the light to compare the colours and consistencies. He made a thoughtful look, replaced the student's vial on the top shelf, then wrote a note on the parchment to his left.

"Seventh years doing well so far this year?"

"I always have hope," he said, his voice flat. "I am always disappointed."

"Did I disappoint you my last year?"

Severus looked at him. "Not at all."

Harry beamed.

"Because I had incredibly low standards for you in the first place."

Harry laughed. "Prat."

Severus grinned and turned his attention back to the potions. The man always made the same face when he was marking. He'd set his jaw and narrow his eyes. Severus tucked a stand of hair behind his ear and bent over to write a few more notes.

He wasn't beautiful. But he was uniquely handsome when one took the time to really look at him. And his personality, now that Harry was beginning to really know him, made him even more appealing.

Harry wondered if maybe he'd be up for a shag. Then immediately groaned. Was he really so desperate for affection that he was considering Severus Snape as a bed partner? How sad.

"I can hear you thinking. You think too loudly," he said, without looking at Harry.

"I was thinking I need a shag. Interested?"

"Now who's the prat?" Severus retrieved his wand and flicked it in Harry's direction, splattering him with cold water.

Harry removed his glasses and dried them on the hem on his shirt. "Still you."

"There are pubs, you know."

Harry wasn't sure what to say.

Severus continued. "Gay ones, even."

"In Hogsmeade?"

"London. Are you finished?"

Harry looked at his stack of essays still left to mark. "Close enough."

"Come on, then." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Where to?"

"Didn't I just tell you there are pubs?"

"You're going to help me get laid?"

"You're crass. Neither of us have very many free evenings, so are you coming or not?"

"I need to get dressed." He stood from Severus's desk and grabbed the stacks of essays. Severus looked him up and down. "Your clothes are acceptable."

"Are you wearing your robes into London?" Severus rolled his eyed and tapped his hip with his wand, transfiguring his black robes into black jeans and a black, silk button-up shirt.

The look suited the man, the trousers especially.


	4. Chapter 4

The entire street was lined with night life. People walked through the streets dressed nicely, or dressed so that immeasurable amounts of skin were bared. Severus seemed unaffected by the vibrant muggles around them. They walked together a few streets over from the portkey and turned a hard right. A small pub was tucked out of the way off of a side street. There was no sign indicating its name, but there was a fair amount of people outside beneath the neon OPEN light, passing cigarettes between them.

They stepped closer to the door. Harry was a bit out of breath, having struggled to keep pace with Severus's long stride.

A muscular, dark skinned man looked at Severus approvingly as he lit the cigarette dangling from his lips.

"Hi, Brian. Haven't seen you in a while," he said to Severus.

Severus shrugged. "Been busy."

"Busy with this one, eh?" he said, looking at Harry. He winked and took a long drag.

"Something like that."

They stepped into the warm pub and inspected the bar for somewhere to get comfortable. The room was small and dimly lit. Music played from an old jukebox. A few barmen leant over the bar speaking to patrons. They found two empty seats at the bar and settled in.

"Two whiskeys, neat. Thank you." Severus laid a few pounds on the bar.

Harry grinned. "Thanks for the drink, _Brian_."

Severus looked at him from the corner of his eye. "Well? Go talk to someone."

"What? Now? I haven't even properly looked at anyone."

"Start looking."

"So, er, you've been here before?"

Severus nodded.

"Often?"

"Apparently."

"I didn't know you were gay."

"Why would you need to know?"

"I suppose I don't. Are you going to talk to anyone?"

"Not likely."

Harry sighed and pushed himself away from the bar, drink in hand. He walked a few metres then looked back at Severus. He arched an elegant eyebrow urging Harry to go on.

"You look lost."

Harry turned to see a tall, blond man looking down at him, friendly grin in place. He looked a bit like Draco, if Draco were less ferret and more human.

"I am a bit. Never been here before."

The man glanced at Severus who now was in deep discussion with one of the attractive barmen.

Harry felt an odd pang in his stomach.

"If you're here with Brian, you're in good hands. I like him. He's so… mysterious."

"Yes. He is, isn't he?"

"Is he your partner?"

"Professionally, I suppose."

"Not romantic?"

Harry laughed, "No."

"Matthew," he said and extended a hand.

Harry spit out the first pseudonym he could think of. "Jaime."

"Could I buy you a drink, Jaime?"

Harry looked hesitantly back to Severus, still utterly engrossed by the barman now leaning far over the bar to speak to him more closely.

"Sure."

Matthew ordered two drinks for them and they sidled up to the far wall. They blended in well with the other small groups of men circled around one another in happy conversation.

"What brings you out tonight?"

"Se- erm, Brian's idea."

"Getting over a heartache, eh?"

"You can tell?" Harry looked up at him, perhaps a bit too surprised, as it made the man laugh.

"I have a sense for these things. Tell me about him, then. How long were you together?"

"We weren't. I've never. Er, I told him how I felt and then… nothing."

"Oh, I see what this is." The man's eyes sparkled like he knew a secret.

"What is it?" Harry felt hopeful, but he didn't know what response he was hoping for.

"He's taken you under his wing, being the 'baby gay' that you are."

Harry spluttered. "Baby gay?"

"Sure. He's showing you the ropes and all. How to be a gay man in London."

"Maybe they should just write a book on that."

Matthew laughed. "I like you. You're funny. But I warn you, don't go getting attached. Every new, young gay who has an older man take him in ends up getting attached. It's usually not like that for the older one. He's just giving you what he wishes he'd had at your age- someone to introduce him to society, as it were."

Harry nodded, feeling a bit disappointed. He'd thought what he and Severus were developing was more than that. More than some awkward gay mentorship.

"Oh, no," Matthew said. "I know that look. You've already gone and gotten attached."

He shrugged. "It's complicated. He used to hate me. The bloke I liked- Brian hated him, too. I was just hoping this was becoming something... _different_ after all of those years of animosity."

"Doesn't look like he hates you now," Matthew said, looking towards Severus. Harry looked over, too. Severus was eyeing them, his face blank.

"Anyways, I've got to head out. Here's my number." He pulled a pen from his back pocket and scribbled the digits on the back of Harry's hand.

"Good luck, Jaime." He winked and walked casually out of the pub.

"Will you call him?" Severus asked as they walked back to the portkey.

"Huh?"

"I saw him give you his number."

Harry looked at the ink on his hand. "Probably not."

"He was handsome."

"So are you." Harry felt his face burn hot. He hadn't mean to say that aloud.

Severus grabbed Harry's hand. His pulse quickened. But Severus touched his other hand to the portkey and pulled them into his sitting room.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Severus asked.

"I did, thanks. Looks like you did, too."

"Careful."

"Of?"

"That sounded a bit like jealousy. No need to be jealous of Eric. We've been friends for a long time."

Harry assumed Eric was the barman that held the man's attention all evening. Harry wasn't jealous of him. Why should he be? He was a little disappointed that he didn't get to spend as much time with Severus, but that's all.

"Anyways, I couldn't call Matthew if I wanted to. I don't have a muggle phone."

"I do."

"Why?"

Severus gave him a look that suggested it wasn't any of Harry's business why he owned a muggle phone. As much as Harry tried, it was difficult to learn anything about the man other than minuscule bits of information here and there.

"Well, what do you plan on doing for the rest of the evening?"

"Are you attempting to subject me to your presence for the coming hours?"

Harry smiled. "If you will tolerate it."

"I feel I've been tolerating you quite well recently…. Being the Remus Lupin replacement that I am."

Harry's brows furrowed. "No, you're not. You're not a 'Remus replacement.'"

"Oh? Can't even live up to the werewolf?" Harry could sense the teasing tone, but he still detested the words being used.

"Don't be self-deprecating. And don't refer to him that way."

Severus's lips quirked up in the corners so slightly Harry almost missed it. He was goading him. But why?

It didn't matter. Harry refused to give in to it.

He patiently waited for Severus to answer the initial question. Finally, the man gave in with a tired sigh.

"I have a new book I'd like to dig into."

"I like to read, too. Could we- ?" Harry nodded his head towards the settee.

"If you insist."

"Is it a potions book? Haven't you read them all yet?"

"I have other interests, too."

"Sorry."

"You will be, if you don't stop talking."

Harry pulled a book from the shelf, not even looking to see what it was. He really did enjoy reading, but he was more interested in the man across from him. He was a puzzle, a riddle, a _mystery_ , as Matthew had said.

Severus tapped a finger to his tongue and turned a page. His eyes moved quickly across the lines of words. He read more quickly than even Hermione. He turned another page. Something about his long fingers tortured Harry. A heavy weight settled in his abdomen, resting peculiarly above his groin. An elegant finger hovered over Severus's thin lips until he touched it to his teasing tongue once more and turned the page. Another weight sank slowly down into his stomach and warbled a bit before settling, like a pebble sinking in a pond.

The weight felt an awful lot like guilt.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus's life is... complicated.  
> Poor guy.

Severus looked into the anti-nausea potion and assessed it. It was perfect. Naturally. He’d brewed it about a thousand times. He bottled it for Madame Pomfrey, set aside the cauldron to clean later, and looked up at the clock.   
His last class of the day had ended hours earlier, and Harry’s last class would be over in about fifteen minutes. He had nothing else to occupy his time and decided he should meet Harry outside his classroom.   
They always walked together now, when they could. If Severus didn’t wait for him, he’d pout. Oddly enough Harry’s face when he was pouting was appealing. The little wrinkle between his eyebrows, the rosiness of his pursed lips. But he’d better not chance having an unhappy Harry on his hands today if he hoped to get anything done this evening. When he was upset, Harry would be endlessly distracting to him until Severus made things right again. It was never quite an apology. Severus Snape does not apologise. But he knew just how to change the subject to lift Harry’s mood again.   
He stepped off of the staircase and turned towards the Defense classroom. A figure approached from the other side of the corridor, seemingly making its way to the same destination.   
A few strides later and the figure came into view. Remus Lupin, in his tattered brown robes.   
He offered him a polite grin, but Severus couldn’t help but to scowl in response.   
“I think you’ve missed your level. Arithmancy classroom is a level down.”  
Remus grinned. “I’m aware.”  
“Are you? Because I’m certain you’d have no other business on this level.”  
“Severus, please.” Remus lifted his arm to cough against the back of his wrist. “I came to see Harry.”  
“To see him turn you away? If memory serves, only a few weeks ago you had him in hysterics because of how badly you hurt him. What more could there possibly be for you to say?”  
Abusing Remus was too easy. The man had no spine and hated confrontation. It wasn’t even fun to insult him.   
“I owe him an apology, Severus. I know.”  
“You don’t deserve enough of his time to apologise.”  
Remus’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you suddenly so protective over him?”  
“I believe the better question is why were you not?”  
He frowned and looked away. “It was my way of protecting him. I just didn’t... I didn’t know it would change our relationship forever.”  
Severus knew the feeling well. He almost pitied the man.   
The door to Harry’s classroom was pulled open and a queue of second year students pooled out into the corridor and past the two professors. Finally, Harry’s head emerged. His eyes fell into Severus’s quickly.   
Something about the eye contact made Severus’s body feel lighter, like all the tension he’d acquired and held through the day evaporated. He wondered if that was why Harry was so effortlessly and universally adored. Did he make everyone feel this way?  
“Severus! You waited for me today.” He offered him a wide, toothy grin. Harry went to shut the classroom door but stopped, having finally seen Remus. His body went rigid.   
“Oh. Er, hi. Did you... did you need something?”  
It was clear Harry was genuinely curious and not being malicious, but Remus was obviously stung by the lack of warmth in his greeting.   
“Well, I wanted a chat. But, it can wait.”  
Severus sneered.   
Harry shifted his weight to his other foot uncomfortably. “Yeah. Sure. Sure. Er, let me know when works for you.”  
Remus nodded, turned on his heel and strode away.   
“Did he say anything to you? What does he want to talk about?”  
“We didn’t speak really. Hungry?”  
Harry’s smile returned.  
“Starving, actually.”  
They began to walk together back towards the staircase.  
“I was thinking...” Harry stepped closer and let their arms touch. It always took Severus off guard, the affectionate touches Harry offered. “See, there’s a new restaurant I’ve been wanting to try.”  
“Then try it.”  
“Would you come with me?” He asked hopefully, the way a child would ask his mum for a lolly. Severus didn’t particularly feel up for leaving the castle tonight, but recently he’d found himself more and more unable to deny any request of Harry’s. It was infuriating.   
His once very detailed and punctual, never-changing schedule now bent and twisted around Harry’s responsibilities, desires, and whims. He stayed up entirely too late because Harry couldn’t sleep and wanted to stay awake reading in Severus’s sitting room all night. He was late to supper because Harry was constantly running behind schedule but Severus couldn’t begin his meal without him. His marking took twice as long because Harry now joined him and distracted him incessantly.   
The most infuriating bit? It didn’t bother Severus in the slightest. In fact, his heart still stuttered just slightly at the sight of the young man, even if it was the sixth time seeing him that day. The cadence of his voice brought Severus comfort. And that was what friendship was, right? He’d not had a real companion since Lily. And that had been all too long ago. Even so, Severus was sure this was just what friendship was, complete with its comforts and annoyances.  
Severus, the man of habit, wanted to tell Harry that no, in fact, he felt a bit of headache coming on and would like to eat his supper and do his marking and be in bed by nine, thank you very much.   
Instead, Severus said, “Of course I will. Should I change attire?”  
Harry didn’t even look at Severus’s clothes. He smiled and looked over Severus’s face.   
“Not at all. You’re perfect.”

Severus extinguished the small flame flickering atop the skinny white candle and moved the votive to the far side of the table. Harry chuckled and rolled his eyes.   
“That candle was nonsense,” Severus complained.   
“It was supposed to be romantic.” Harry looked amused.   
“What needs to be romantic about sharing a meal?”  
“Erm, everything? Depending on the company, of course.” Harry sucked on his lower lip. Why did he insist on being so annoyingly distracting?  
Harry turned his attention to the soup in front of him. Severus had already finished his own.   
Harry’s hair had gotten long and so he had to use his free hand to hold his fringe out of the way when he hovered over the bowl.  
Severus sighed. “He said he wanted to apologise to you. I told him to leave you alone. I wasn’t particularly nice about it. I shouldn’t have involved myself.”  
Harry looked up suddenly. His jaw dropped just a bit in surprise but he quickly corrected himself, training away any emotion. “Should I go speak to him?”  
Severus didn’t want him to. He knew that if his relationship with Remus were to be reconciled, Severus would again be cast aside. To sit alone at the end of the staff table, to sit in silence in his office with his lesson plans. It’s not that he minded the solitude. But he’d grown quite accustomed to having Harry close by.   
“No,” Severus told him.   
“Well it’s not like I can avoid him forever.” He took his last spoonful of soup and pushed it to the side next to the abandoned candle.   
“Can’t you? You avoided me for five years. I can count on one hand the number of times we spoke between the day you were employed at Hogwarts and the night you first came to me.”  
Harry winced. And only then did Severus realise how angry he’d sounded.   
“Okay, you aren’t wrong. But you and I didn’t have any type of previous relationship. You’d hated me since I was eleven. This is different.”  
“You hated me, too.”  
“No I didn’t, I just-“  
“-hated me.”  
“Fine. Sure. But you were mean!”  
“You were a brat.”  
Harry grinned and shook his head. “No, I wasn’t.”  
“You aren’t now but then-“  
“-No, not even then. But you were mean. Still are, sometimes.”  
“When am I mean to you?”  
“Last Tuesday! You went to supper without me.”  
“Not this again. I haven’t made that mistake since, have I? You’re a brat when you’re cross.”  
Harry chuckled. “Well if it taught you a lesson, I can’t say that I’m sorry for acting like a brat! See, this is just like what I was saying to Matthew last night-“  
“- the man from the pub? The muggle?”  
“Yeah! I was telling him how you-“  
“You went to London last night?”  
“What? No. I called him.” Harry’s grin was quickly replaced with a look of confusion.   
“Oh?”  
“Yeah. Arthur had a spare muggle phone he found at work. Said I could have it.”  
“The Weasleys know about your muggle boyfriend?”  
“No, they don’t know about Matthew. And I haven’t got a boyfriend. Just asked Arthur for a phone is all. And what’s wrong with having a muggle boyfriend anyways?”  
“I suppose better than a werewolf.”  
“Severus! What has gotten into you tonight?” Harry put his hand over Severus’s and searched his eyes. He drew a ragged breath through his nose. He didn’t want Harry to touch him, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull his hand away.   
“We were having a good time, I thought. Can’t I take you out and show you that I-“ Harry stopped himself suddenly.   
“Show me what?”  
“It doesn’t matter.” Harry removed his hand. “I’m sorry I wasted your evening.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get complicated.

Harry put his index finger into the small circle and swirled around the dial on the rotary phone. Even the Dursleys had had a more modern telephone, but it did the job. He only had the phone for one person, anyways.  
Matthew answered quickly. "I had a feeling you'd call today."  
"Oh, did you?"  
"Call it my magic power."  
Harry chuckled. They were silent for a moment. "Brian called himself a replacement for Lupin, the bloke I fancy."  
"Did he sound… I don't know… er, bitter at all or was it, like, flirtatious…?"  
"He tried to make it sound like he was teasing."  
"They say there is truth in every joke. Maybe I was wrong."  
"About what?"  
"Maybe you aren't just a baby gay that he's taken in. Any chance Brian feels something for you?"  
Harry laughed. "No, not at all. That would be absurd. We have a really rough past. We've only just gotten past it."  
"There is a very thin line between love and hate."  
"Do you always speak in clichés?"  
"Another one of my magic powers." Matthew laughed. Something rustled against the microphone.  
"What was that?"  
"Pulling on a jumper. Bloody cold out. I'm headed to the pub here in a bit. Care to join me?"  
"I shouldn't. I think our friendship makes Brian feel left out."  
"Left out, or jealous? It's no matter, bring him along."  
"I'll ask him. Thanks for the chat. Talk later?"  
"Of course. Bye, Jaime."  
Harry pulled off his teaching robes and replaced the t-shirt he wore underneath with a white collared shirt, just in case Severus agreed to going to the pub after supper.  
But when he walked into the Great Hall, he immediately got the distinct feeling that Severus wouldn't be interested in doing much of anything with Harry tonight. Severus had not waited for him by the staff entrance and so Harry pushed open the door and stepped inside. Severus didn't even lift his head to look at him. And as he stepped closer he saw that Severus had situated himself between Madame Pomfrey and Minerva. Harry looked along the table, the lone available seat was between Remus and Hagrid.

Wonderful.

Harry held his breath as he pulled the ancient heavy chair away from the table and made himself comfortable. His heart began to race erratically. He wasn't sure if he should say hello to Remus. Would it be awkward? Or would it be more awkward if he didn't say hello? But, if he did say hello, would he be sucked into a conversation he didn't want to have tonight? And if he didn't say-

"Hello, Harry."  
He released a breath of relief.  
"Hi, Remus."  
"I'm glad you're willing to sit with me again. Although, it has been nice to see that Severus has made a friend."  
Harry nodded and spread butter over his bread.  
"Or more than a friend?"  
Harry nearly choked.  
"Perhaps I shouldn't have asked. My apologies."  
"No, it's fine. But, er, he did take me to a gay pub."  
It was Remus's turn to look distinctly uncomfortable.  
"Oh? Did you… meet anyone?"  
"I made a friend."  
"That's good. That's really good."  
"Yeah. I guess so."  
Remus sighed. "Harry, if this makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to do this. We don't have to speak until you're ready. We don't have to force things to go back to normal."  
"Neither of us have ever been particularly normal anyways."  
Remus snorted. "Right you are."  
"And, anyways. ChristmasiscomingsoonandIwasthinkingthat-"  
"Harry. Slow down. Say that again?"  
"Christmas is coming."  
"Yes, it is."  
"And we will both be at Grimmauld, with Sirius, and maybe we should have that chat before then."  
"That sounds nice, Harry. Come by to my rooms when you're ready."  
The two returned to eating their meals. Harry glanced to his right out of the corner of his eye, to see Severus. But, he was gone. The staff door slammed closed.  
Harry sighed. He'd lost his appetite, suddenly.

"Do you need to go after him?" Remus asked him, as Harry stared at the closed door.  
He wanted to. He wanted to see what'd upset him. He cared about Severus. But this moment was the closest to normalcy he'd found with Remus since that night, and he was unwilling to walk away from it.  
He turned to Remus and smiled at him. "No, I'm sure he's fine."  
"Are you free for the next bit? Ready to have that chat?"  
Harry wasn't sure that he was, but he followed Remus to his rooms anyways.  
Remus picked up a biscuit and bit into it as he crossed his ankle over the other knee and made himself comfortable in his favourite chair.  
"I didn't mean to ruin things," Harry said apologetically.  
"You could never."  
Harry ran his hand through his hair and rolled his eyes. "This is the part where you tell me you've always loved me like a son and nothing could change that- yeah, spare me. Can't we just be honest? I changed things between us that night."  
"Yes. Things changed. But I'm glad that you were honest with me. I never want you to feel that you must keep things from me."  
"But now I do. It took me a year to work up the courage to tell you those things."  
"A year?"  
Harry nodded and placed his tea back onto the coffee table. "I suspect I'd had these feelings longer than that."  
"You still feel the same?"  
Harry leaned forward, his hands worrying themselves in his lap.  
"Of course I do. That won't change in just a month. I can try to make things the way they once were, but it'll take time."  
"You and Severus seem close recently. Be honest with me, Harry. Is it more than friendship?"  
Harry closed his eyes for a moment and reopened them slowly. "No."  
Remus tried to take a deep breath but was overcome with a fit of coughing. He turned his head and placed his mouth into the crook of his elbow.  
"You've been coughing for weeks now, Remus. Are you getting sick?"  
Remus shook his head before being sent into another fit of coughing that left him bent over with his head between his knees. Harry rushed to his side and rubbed his back soothingly.  
"Harry, I- how much do you know about werewolves?"  
He shrugged. "As much as you've told me, I suppose."  
"We don't... we don't tend to live long."  
Harry's heart began to pound, fearing what would surely come next.  
"I'm dying."  
In an instant Harry found himself wrapping his body around Remus's. Harry held him tight. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be true. He'd misheard, surely. Remus was young. He was too young. He couldn't be leaving him. Not yet.  
"I wouldn't have... ya know. Told you- told you all of that if I knew what you were already going through. I shouldn't have burdened you with my feelings. Remus, I'm so sorry."  
Harry relaxed his embrace and pulled away enough to look into Remus's eyes. He was crying. He tried to remember the last time he'd seen Remus cry, but he couldn't. Perhaps this was the first time. Remus ran the sleeve of his jumper down over his face.  
"You're never a burden. I'm glad that you told me."  
Harry placed his hand onto his chest, just over his heart. Remus lifted a trembling hand and put it over Harry's. They stood like that, searching one another's eyes, for a long moment.

Remus licked his lips and took a deep, ragged breath. "I suppose it's my turn to be honest. Harry, I've loved you... gods, I have loved you... for, for I'm not even sure how long. But your life has been so complicated, so marred by pain and loss. How could I have ever told you my feelings, even when you expressed your own so freely? I will not live long enough to see an evolution in our relationship beyond dating. I am too dangerous, even with wolfsbane, to be near you when a full moon approaches. I am too weak to make love to you."  
It was now Harry who wiped away bitter tears. "I don't care about those things. Let me be with you as long as I can be."  
"No, Harry. I do care about those things. If you love me, I need to see you moving on and living a full life before I go. Can you do that? Could you do that for me, Harry?"  
He looked away angrily. Tears still welling up along his lower lashes. He begrudgingly nodded.  
"How much longer?" He asked, still determinedly not looking at him.  
"Weeks? A year? I don't know."  
"Have you told Sirius?"  
He sighed. "Yes."  
"I have to oversee quidditch practice," he said suddenly. It was a lie. He hadn't exactly meant to lie, but it was the first excuse to come to mind. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand here and look at this man, hearing him say he was dying. But instead of walking away, before he could think, he'd reached out to pull Remus to him. He placed his lips to the older man's tenderly.  
How often had he thought of this? This potential, but always hypothetical, first kiss between them. He'd wanted it so badly. But not like this.  
Not with Remus's soft lips tasting like salty tears, not after admitting to Harry that he was not long for this world.  
Harry's lips parted and he flicked a tongue into Remus's mouth even as a sob escaped his lips.  
The muscles along Remus's spine rippled beneath his palms.  
Harry pulled away and rested his forehead against the man's collar bone, still holding him tight.  
Remus chuckled weakly. "I thought we were going to let things go back to normal."  
Harry shook his head against his chest. "No. Nothing will ever be normal again."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus would do anything for Harry.   
> Anything.

Saturdays were the one damn day Severus could relax. Usually he wouldn't even leave his rooms, instead preferring to relax with a book and a glass of whichever alcohol he had on hand. Today it was brandy. He hadn't had it in some time and his nerve endings tittered with anticipation as he poured himself a glass.

Despite his excitement to have a day to himself, it felt a bit odd to not have Harry here. Harry had required so much of Severus's time recently and he'd become accustomed to the presence of the young man. Usually he would have appeared by now, but Severus knew he had likely ruined that at dinner. Why was he so hellbent on ruining everything in his life the moment it started to go right? No matter. He liked his solitude. Always had. And now he could return to letting his life revolve around himself once more, without having to make considerations for someone else's schedule or emotions.

Just as Severus made himself comfortable, his door flew open to reveal a manic and wild-eyed Harry. Seeing him for the first time in nearly two days, he could have sworn he felt like he'd missed him. But that couldn't be. Severus liked his time alone.

He really did.

"Just because you know my password doesn't mean you should use it without notifying me first." He was aware his tone held no acidity to it as it once would have. Harry closed the door behind him with a bit too much force.

"Why do you hate werewolves?" He demanded.

Severus sighed and pressed his fingers into his eyes. "I'm not ready for this conversation."

"I don't care." He fell onto the settee by Severus haphazardly, half sitting on Severus's thigh until he settled in.

"I don't," he finally answered in a breath.

"Then why do you hate Remus?"

"I don't… anymore. Not really."

"You know what I'm getting at so just tell me!"

Severus felt differently these days whenever he looked at Harry, but he was still enraged to be forced into a conversation he didn't want to have. He'd never had to answer to anyone before and he wasn't willing to start now, but Harry knew just how to get under Severus's skin.

"You want to know? I shall certainly tell you with no hesitancy in honesty, but I'm afraid the discrepancy in what I say and what you believe might anger you. And so, whatever this sparks inside of you, keep it to yourself because I have no desire to hear it."

Harry looked at him expectantly, showing that Severus's red-faced response had no effect on him.

"Because that werewolf is a goddamned coward. When your father and that dog harassed me in school, he stood idly by and let it happen, although I could see that he knew it was wrong. He was terrified to stand up to them. And when he turned, he hid away like some type of hermit. How pathetic! Couldn't face the world around him until Albus drug him here to teach. We all have trials in life. You don't see me living on the fringe of society, do you?" He should have stopped there. But he couldn't. The worlds were set free and had a mind of their own now. "And when he was offered possibly the best luck of his life, he denied it because he was too cowardly to reach out and grasp it!"

"Luck?"

"You, Potter! You! A young, handsome, powerful man goes and fall in love with him, beyond any discernible reason and he just pushes it away! And I do not hate him, but I certainly do not understand him. Cowardice is the ultimate weakness in my eyes. He could have been a successful man, but he was scared of it. Whereas I've worked for years, _years_ , and have had half the opportunities at my fingertips as he has."

"You're jealous," Harry was not arguing. Only stating.

"Of a weak, cowardly werewolf? I think not. I have plenty of reasons to dislike him, not to mention the matter of him absolutely destroying any self worth you might have possessed before he hurt you."

Severus couldn't remember standing, but he now found himself breathing hard and peering down at Harry who remained on the settee.

Harry sighed and collapsed in on himself, looking pitiful and defeated.

"He's dying."

"Excuse me?"

Harry looked at him. And now he could see the redness around his vibrant eyes. Could see his swollen lips and pink cheeks, making the remnants of his boyhood freckles stand out.

"I said he's dying." Harry took Severus's hand and squeezed it gently. "Can you save him?"

He knew that he couldn't. So many had tried to prolong the lives of werewolves for centuries, but little headway had been gained. Severus was intelligent, he knew he was brilliant with medicine and potions but he knew he cold not invent what his predecessors had been unable to.

"No. I know of nothing that could help."

"Can you try?" He pleaded; his voice so soft it sent chills down his spine.

But that look of desperation on Harry's gentle face made him want to promise that man the world. "Do not put all of your hopes on me."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, Harry. I will try."

Harry smiled weakly.

"How long has he been declining?"

"I don't know."

"What has he told you?"

"He's been coughing. He told me he was dying. It's all I know."

Severus nodded. He'd need more information, but he hated to question the man himself.

He accio'd a quill and parchment to himself and quickly wrote down two lists. One, a list of books he could reference. The other, information he would need from Remus.

He handed both lists to Harry.

"Get these answers, and these books. I'll clear an experiment cauldron for us to work in. Meet me at nine o'clock." He took a deep breath. "But, Harry. Do not be too hopeful. I'm not optimistic that anything can be done. And even if it can, I'm not sure we will find it in time."

"Thank you." He kissed Severus's cheek and slipped from the room.

He slowly lowered himself back onto the settee and looked around his sitting room. It now felt so empty without Harry. He was irritating, demanding, unyielding. He was handsome, kind, and he made Severus smile. He wanted to be far away from him, and he wanted to be near him.

Severus didn't know what he wanted. He'd never been more confused.

But he knew he would do anything for Harry, regardless of whatever unknown drive was encouraging him to do so. He didn't care about Remus, why should he? Werewolves didn't live long, and that was a simple fact. And he had never been the man's friend. He loathed that man.

But he couldn't let him die.

It was the right thing to do.

For Harry.


	8. Chapter 8

Matthew slid another drink over to Harry.  
“Is it cancer?"  
Harry looked up, startled by the question. “Er, yeah. Yeah.”  
“And now he says he’s always been in love with you. But he knows he’s dying and doesn’t want to subject you to all that he’s going through.”  
“Yeah.”  
“You’re after the wrong type of love, mate.”  
“How so?”  
“So, this Remus – odd name, by the way- was one of your parents’ best mates. Your dead parents that you never really knew. As a child he was always coming ‘round your house because he’s a friend of your godfather’s. He was your teacher when you were a teenager. He’s twice your age. Do I have all that right?”  
Harry nodded and took a long swallow of his drink.  
“Mate, you’re not looking for a boyfriend, you’re looking for someone to give you the love and validation you never got from your parents.”  
“What?”  
“You’re looking for a father figure and mistaking it for romance.”  
“My wank fantasies disagree.”  
Matthew snorted and jostled Harry with his elbow.  
“Okay, hear me out. With me, I like a bloke- I think he’s cute or whatever- so I decide I want to attract him. I go about it by making him laugh, make him think I’m clever. I dress nice and do my hair up and all so that I can make him think I’m cute, too. But, let me guess, with Remus none of that even occurred to you. You tried to attract him by making him proud of you- high marks, doing well in sports, going into his same profession…”  
Harry set his drink down and stared at Matthew. He felt his lips part as his jaw dropped just slightly. “Fuck.” Harry’s jaw twitched. “But, Remus does like me. He told me he loves me. We kissed… that’s… that’s not parental.”  
“Do you look like your dad?”  
“Everyone says so.”  
Matthew shrugged. “You make him miss his dead friend.”  
Harry winced. “Harsh.”  
“Truth hurts.”  
“I hate how simple you make everything seem. Anyways, I have to get going.”  
“Rushing back to Brian already?”

Harry laughed. Rushing away from having a drink with a friend so that he can sit in silence with the surly Severus Snape? That was absurd.   
Except that it was true. But they had work to do and, oddly enough, he missed him.   
Harry bid Matthew a good night, tucked himself behind a garbage bin, and apparated to the edge of Hogwarts.  
The night before, Severus had nearly frightened Harry. In the small office off to the side of his classroom he began to push over glass vials, letting them fall to the ground and shatter with no worry that the potions were splattering and mixing on the ground. He kicked two cauldrons off of their suspensions causing them to clang heavily against the stone floor, even cracking one of the tiles. He cursed and swore and screamed. He didn’t have enough room to work! How was he expected to get anything done? And all for what? A werewolf? He didn’t have time for this!  
Harry quietly waved his wand around, cleaning the messes as they were made. The room was finally put back together and Severus was out of breath after his tantrum. Harry watched him quietly. Severus leaned against his desk, heaving. He finally looked up at Harry. Something behind those black eyes was different. Those eyes offered Harry a silent and sorrowful apology.   
“It’s okay,” Harry whispered. “I’ll set up a work space in the room of requirement.”  
Severus nodded. “Thank you.”  
And so tonight, Harry didn’t descend into the dungeons, but found his way to the room of requirement instead. Severus hovered over a cauldron. It glowed an eerie green colour across Severus’s pale face, making him look like a witch from a muggle children’s story. Sweat gathered over his brow as he stirred forcefully.  
“I could have used some help. Where the hell have you been?”  
“You told me nine. I’m half an hour early.”  
“Isn’t this the love of your life that we are trying to save? I would have thought you’d take it a bit more seriously.”  
“Severus, I do take it seriously. You told me nine. I am early. Tell me how I can help you.”  
“It doesn’t matter. Go back to whatever you were doing. Obviously, it was more important.”  
“I was just at the pub. No importance. I’m here now, tell me how I can help you.”  
Severus stopped stirring and looked up, the green bubbling potion reflecting in his black eyes. “The fucking pub?”  
“You told me nine. I had time. I had a drink with Matthew.”  
Severus stalked towards Harry. He was intimidated, but he refused to move away. Severus was now so close Harry could feel his warm breath on his face.   
He stared down into Harry’s eyes and sneered. “Saving Remus isn’t as important anymore now that you’ve got Matthew-the-Muggle on your arm?”  
“I’m not dating him. We are friends.” Harry bit his lip and looked away. It was always better to be honest, right? “Actually, I think… I don’t know. Things have changed with Remus. We, er… he told me he loved me and we kissed. So, if I'm dating anyone it'd be-"  
“-This is how you cope with stress and pain? Coop me up in a laboratory to do your work while you’re out having your arse fucked by muggles and werewolves alike.”  
Harry took a step back. The words hit him like a physical blow. “I’ve not fucked anyone. Matthew is my friend. And if you were my friend, you’d be happy for me that Remus has told me he loves me. You know the feelings I have for him.”  
Severus growled and walked away, his arms crossed over his chest.  
Harry followed him. “You don’t get to speak to me that way and then walk away. What the fuck has gotten into you?” Severus turned on one heel to face him, sending the hem of his robes into a spin that brushed against Harry’s trousers. Severus reached out to grab Harry’s hand suddenly, causing him to gasp. His skin ignited where he touched him.   
“I want to be pleased for you. I want to be that type of man, the selfless type. But, I am not. I am self-serving and always will be. If you have deceived yourself into thinking I am someone I am not, then you are the culpable party in this. I have never misled you into thinking I am a changed man.”  
“I don’t need you to change for me. I believe I see you more clearly than you see yourself.”  
Severus sighed and released Harry’s hand. “Get out.”  
“Are you done?”  
Severus sighed.  
“Working on the cure, I mean. Are you done trying?”  
“Please leave.” Severus sounded so tired. Harry wanted to embrace him and reassure him, tell him that he believed in him and his abilities. But, Harry was tired, too.  
“Good night, Severus.”  
“You’re leaving so easily?”  
“You told me nine. I was here early and it wasn’t good enough for you. You tell me to leave, but then become angry when I opt to obey you. Tell me, Severus, please: what the fuck can I do to make you happy?”  
Severus remained silently glaring at him.  
Harry laughed bitterly, “Hell, I can’t even take you to dinner without you starting an argument. Do you just want to be miserable?”  
Severus sighed and his expression softened. “I don’t want you to leave just yet.”  
Harry knew an apology when he heard one. He brushed his fingers against the man’s forearm. “Then I’ll stay.”


	9. Chapter 9

An exhausting week had just ended. Harry had barely had time to shower between classes, Remus, and researching with Severus. He never knew what an evening of research would hold with Severus. Some days, the man made good use of Harry- allowing him to assist. Other days, Harry sat in the corner and watched quietly until Severus had nothing else he could do for the evening. Some days they didn’t make it to dinner, some days they didn’t retire until just before sunrise. Harry paced the corridor until the door appeared.  
Harry stepped into the room of requirement and froze immediately.   
Severus eyed various ingredients seemingly checking them against his list of necessities for the day of brewing. A brunet man with icy blue eyes looked over his shoulder. The man looked up and smiled at Harry. A smile much too straight, and white, and perfect to be real.   
“You must be Harry Potter. I’m Roman Tuskwood.” He approached Harry with his hand extended but Harry stepped backwards and eyed him cautiously. He didn’t know who this man was, and he certainly didn’t trust him. Something emanated from the man that Harry didn’t like, but couldn’t name.   
Severus looked at Harry sideways but said nothing.   
“Who are you?”  
The man’s smile fell only slightly. “I’m Roman. Roman Tusk-“  
“-Yes, got that. Thanks. I mean why are you here?”  
Severus finally stepped away from his workbench.   
“He's a colleague. I invited him.”  
Harry folded his arms. “Well, I’m here now. You can go.”  
Severus’s nostrils flared. “That is not for you to decide. He’s here to offer guidance and a new perspective.”  
“If he’s so clever, why have I never heard of him?”  
“Because you’ve never read a potions journal in your life.”  
The man snickered at Severus’s comment.  
“Right. Have fun.” Harry turned and fled from the room without another thought. 

  
His heart beat fast and hard, causing him to feel dizzy.   
Did Severus think he was useless and dumb? What made him prefer this Roman Tuskwood to Harry? Perhaps Severus, and his opinion of Harry, hadn’t changed all that much in the years since they’d been colleagues at Hogwarts, despite their newfound friendship.  
His eyes burned with tears threatening to fall out of anger.   
This was special and important, trying to buy more time for Remus. This was an endeavor for the two of them. Why would he invite another man into their dynamic? Was Severus wanting to bed this man?  
Harry did the only thing he could: he called Matthew.   
“I went into The Room- er, his office. And some bloke I’ve never seen before was there with him! He was polite enough, but that fake polite, you know? All teeth. He tried to shake my hand.”  
“Tell me you at least shook his hand?”  
“No. I... I was rude. Then I left.”  
Matthew sighed into the phone. “I know this research is important to you, and you thought it was something special between you- but for him? He might just be trying to get the job done. I wouldn’t take it personally. He might not be trying to get into the man’s pants, maybe he really wants his help.”  
“I’m not sure. I think he’s his type. Handsome, closer in age, same interests...”  
“You couldn’t sound more jealous if you tried.”  
“I’m not jealous!” Harry screeched a bit too loudly. “It was just rude of him to invite someone else into our research.”  
“Sure. Whatever you say. But, so you know, you sound like a housewife who just caught her husband shagging his secretary.”  
“You’ve been no help.”  
“You’re welcome. Pub tonight?”  
“Fuck. Yeah. See you in an hour.”

  
He’d been seated at the bar with Matthew barely long enough to request a second drink before the cold of the outside blew against his back from the door opening.   
He was instantly warmed with the addition of a strong body seating next to him. Harry dared not to look over.   
Matthew looked over Harry’s shoulder at the new bar guest and smirked.   
“I’ll give you two some time, Jaime.”  
Once he walked away Harry heard a muttered Muffliato in a familiar baritone.   
“Jaime?”  
Harry shrugged, still not looking at Severus.   
“I use a pseudonym because Severus is an uncommon muggle name. You were perfectly fine with Harry.”  
“I didn’t think about it. Just followed your lead.”  
“God, how much easier my life would be if you’d always do that. Just follow my lead without argument.”  
“I feel like you’re speaking about your new little assistant now.”  
“I am. And he isn’t an assistant. He’s one of the few potions masters out there still working on new potions for werewolves.”  
“Could have told me first,” Harry argued in an angry mumble.   
“When have I had time? Regardless it’d be appreciated for you to respect my colleagues, with or without a forewarning to their appearance. Roman was very put out by your rude greeting. He is here to help us, after all.”  
“Roman,” Harry spat. “You struggle to call me by my given name but he gets that honour even when he isn’t present.”  
“I’ve known him a very long time.”  
“Longer than me?”  
“Yes, Potter.”  
Harry took a deep breath in and turned to Severus to berate him for, once more, calling him by his surname. But when his eyes landed on him, Severus smirked.   
“You did that on purpose. Bastard.”  
Severus’s smirk was replaced quickly by a more stoic expression. “I don’t use your surname to anger you or to demean you. I use it because it reminds me of our past, and how far we have come.”  
Harry’s heart felt lighter after that.  
After several more drinks in heavy silence, Harry turned to him again.   
“I still don’t like him.”  
“You don’t have to. I still don’t like Lupin and yet I was willing to call in a favour to try to save him.”  
“Thanks for that, I suppose. Just, you know, make sure the two of you always have your trousers up in The Room. I don’t want to walk in on anything.”  
“I don’t make it a habit to go about sodomizing my colleagues all around Hogwarts.”  
Was that an admission to more between the two men? Harry desperately wanted to ask, but decided it would be better not to know. The thought of Severus sleeping with that man caused a painful tightening of his chest.   
“Best be off.”  
“You’re drunk, it would be best to side-along.”  
“I’m fine.”  
“We’re going to side-along.”  
Severus followed Harry out of the pub. He stumbled over the threshold. He wasn’t drunk! He was just clumsy! Severus snorted out an amused chuckle even as he grabbed Harry’s elbow to prevent him from falling completely.   
“Leave me alone, Snape.”  
“No.”  
Severus walked along side him even as Harry fumed.   
Until Harry’s arm was grabbed and pulled back behind Severus.   
“Brian,” came a snide, cocky voice. “Been waiting for a day to see you again.”  
“Why? To have me embarrass and disgrace you again?”  
The man stepped forward out of the shadows and Harry caught a glimpse of his face over Severus’s shoulder. He had scars on his face like Remus’s, but fat keloid rather than flat and shiny. He grinned wickedly exposing yellowed teeth.   
“I won’t let you get away this time. You know I spent two weeks locked up? My boyfriend left me over it!”  
“He likely would have left you anyways had he caught you slipping those rape drugs into drinks down at the pub.”  
The man sneered. “You’ve no proof.”  
“Except I do. Move out of my way and I’ll leave you be tonight.”  
“Ah, you’re hiding a pretty little thing behind you. Bet he tastes nice.”  
“You’ll only be tasting blood if you don’t move.”  
The man stepped forward again and before Harry could think of the consequences, he pulled his wand from his sleeve and stunned him.   
Severus’s look of surprise made Harry giggle. “What was I supposed to do?”  
Severus growled. “Let me handle it! And not go bandying about your wand in _muggle London_!” He hissed.   
“Is he a muggle too?”  
“Yes! Obviously!”  
“Fuck.”   
Severus rolled his eyes, looked around to see no witnesses, then cast a bored “obliviate” over the man.   
Severus apparated them both back to Hogwarts. Harry stumbled forward and immediately began to howl with laughter again. Maybe he was drunk.   
“You are.”  
“Get out of my head! I’m not drunk.”  
“You are.”  
Harry stretched himself down onto the rug before Severus’s fireplace and ran his hand across the soft threads.  
“You shouldn’t have attacked him. What if there had been muggle witnesses? We’d have had to call the ministry to come handle the situation! I know you’re _the famous Harry Potter_ , but that can only get you so far when it comes to blowing the statute of secrecy! Drunk or not, you are an adult and-“  
Severus’s words began to sound further and further away until finally Harry found sleep. 

* * *

  
Harry awoke with an awful pounding in his head and a pain in his stomach. He groaned and stretched, finding from the feel of it, that he’d fallen asleep on Severus’s sofa.   
“Good morning, Potter.”  
Harry’s eyes snapped open. Roman flashed his stupid white teeth at him in what the man probably thought looked like a genuine smile.   
“How kind it was of Severus to pick you off of his floor last night and put you on his sofa.”  
The memory of lying down on Severus’s hearth rug began to surface. He groaned again. “Where is he?”  
Roman rolled his eyes. “In class.”  
Harry lurched forward. “Fuck!”  
Roman had the audacity to laugh at him. “Don’t worry. Severus told the Headmaster you were sick and to cancel your classes, no doubt disappointing your young, adoring fans.”  
“Shut up.” Harry pulled the blankets around himself tighter and cast a Nox on the lights. The fire was now the only light in the room.   
“I was using that light.”  
“Then go somewhere else.”  
The blanket smelled of Severus. He blinked one eye open and looked better at it. It was the man’s cloak. He now felt the tingle of magic around it. Severus had cast a warming charm on it. He smiled and burrowed deeper between the sofa and the cloak.   
“He didn’t want to part with it last night but, after your behaviour, he rather had no choice.”  
“What the hell are you on about?”  
“That cloak. You clung to it so tight Severus only had two options: take you to bed with him or remove his body from the cloak so that you could have it. Oh, you were so pitiful. Telling him how you feel. How you’re in love with him and to please take you to bed. Of course, _I’m_ in his bed so it’s not as if there would have been room for you.”  
Was that true? Had Harry told Severus those things? Begged him to take him to bed?  
The panic must have been clear on his face because Roman laughed mockingly.   
“Really?”  
He laughed again. “No, you didn’t say those things, but seeing the panic in your eyes shows me that you’d like to.”  
“No, I wouldn’t. My heart belongs to another.”  
He waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard all about the werewolf and how you think you can buy his love by having Severus, -and now me- save his life.”  
“That’s not what I’m doing. I just don’t want him to die. I don’t think I deserve his love in return for that. It’s called selflessness. Doubt you’ve ever heard of it. Now shut up.”  
“With pleasure. So that you know, I doubt Severus will be happy to hear that you’ve been rude to his guest... yet again. I’d had higher hopes for the saviour. Thought you’d at least have manners.”  
“Shut up,” Harry begged as loud as he could muster without making his head want to implode.   
Harry had finally begun to drift back into comfortable sleep when he heard the door push open.   
“Why is it so dark in here?”  
“Good afternoon to you too, love.” Roman drawled. “Your little friend deigned it too bright in this room for his sensitive eyes. He turned them out. No matter that I was reading.”  
“My apologies on his behalf, Roman.”  
Harry groaned but didn’t bother opening his eyes. “He owes _me_ an apology. My head is killing me and he wouldn’t shut up.”  
Severus knelt down beside him. Harry felt Severus’s breath against his forehead. Severus pulled the edge of the cloak down far enough to expose Harry’s eyes. “Why does your head still hurt? Did my potion not work?”  
“What potion?”  
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Roman chuckled. “Forgot to give it to him.”  
Severus sighed and stood momentarily then returned.   
“I left you this potion on the table, along with a note explaining that I had your classes cancelled.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Could you sit up enough to drink?”  
Harry nodded and lifted his head. Severus held the glass to his lips and Harry drank from it until it was pulled away.   
“Helping him drink? Gods, Severus. He isn’t infirm! Just can’t handle his liquor.”  
Severus ignored him and placed another vial to Harry’s lips. “This will help you get a bit more sleep.”  
“Thank you,” Harry whispered. Severus stood and Harry instantly missed his presence. The sleep instantly began to set in but he tried to remain conscious once he heard the other two men speaking from the kitchenette.  
“It doesn’t hurt me to be kind to him, Roman. His life has been incredibly stressful lately. And, in general, as I’m sure you’re aware. And I wouldn’t have been helping him drink had you given him the potion and letter as I had asked.”  
“Honestly, Sev-“  
And Harry was asleep again.  
Harry felt lips against his forehead. And then fingertips across his skin. He lifted a hand to rub open his eyes.   
“Apologies, I didn’t mean to wake you.”  
Had Severus kissed his forehead? Had he been dreaming?  
“You’re running a fever, Potter. I think you’re properly sick. Will you allow me to take you to the infirmary?”  
“Why?” Harry rasped. “You have all the same potions Poppy does.”  
Severus had once more knelt by his side. He smiled. “This is true. You’re welcome to stay.” He held another vial to his lips. “Drink.”  
“Thank you. I need to use the rest room.”  
Severus wrapped his arm behind Harry’s back and helped him sit up. “What time is it?”  
“Close to midnight.”  
“Shit.”  
He tried to stand but he felt weak. And without the warm cloak around him, he felt as if he’d freeze to death despite the sweat he felt roll down his back. Severus pulled him to stand. Harry started to stumble but Severus tightened his hold on him to lead him to the bathroom.  
“Think you could eat?”  
Harry nodded before carefully stepping towards the toilet.   
“I’ll call for a house elf. I’ll be back in a moment.”  
Severus stepped back down the hall.   
Harry relieved himself, swaying in front of the toilet.   
His eyes were only barely open as he moved to the sink to wash his hands. The sink was cluttered with colognes, aftershaves, and various beauty products.   
Roman really was staying in Severus’s rooms. He knew Severus didn’t use these things. He snatched up one of the overpowering cologne bottles. He tried to work off the top of it so that he could spit in it. With any luck, he was contagious and Roman would unknowingly spray himself in the face with the germs and get whatever awful illness Harry had.   
“They smell awful,” Severus said from the door.   
Harry nodded dumbly.   
“They’ve brought you soup and soft bread. Could you stomach that?”  
Harry nodded again and made his way on shaky legs to Severus who then helped him back to the sofa.  
“Thank you,” Harry rasped.  
Severus helped Harry steady himself over the food placed on the coffee table.   
“For everything,” Harry added. “Your cloak was very warm.”  
“You’re welcome to use it again tonight.”  
Severus lifted the cloak from the sofa behind Harry and pulled it up over him and around his shoulders. It was beginning to smell more like Harry’s sweat and less like Severus’s delicious natural smell, but it was warm, nonetheless.  
Severus watched him eat in silence.   
“You have classes in the morning,” Harry said once he finished the soup. “I can head back to my quarters so that you can sleep.”  
“Oh.”  
Harry turned to Look at him. His expression was one Harry couldn’t quite decipher. Disappointment?  
“It’d be more convenient,” Severus continued. “For you to stay here so that I won’t have to trek to your room each time you need another potion.”  
Harry grinned.   
“You could have my bed so that you can sleep as long as you need. I must be awake in as few hours so I could take the sofa.”  
Harry pulled a face. “Not sure Roman would want me to boot him from your bed.”  
Severus looked repulsed. “He’s in the spare bedroom, sound asleep already, I’m sure.”  
Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. “I should have known. He’d told me he sleeps in your bed.”  
Severus pulled his lips into a thin line, reminding him of Minerva. “No.”   
He banished Harry’s dishes back to the Hogwarts kitchen. “Do you feel strong enough to make it to my bed?”  
Harry analysed Severus’s face. He wasn’t sure he wanted to remove the man from his own bed for the night. Severus had been so busy and working so hard. He deserved peaceful sleep at the very least.   
Harry sighed and nodded in agreement, “With help.”  
Severus helped him into the tall bed. From the hallway light pouring into the bedroom, Harry could tell that it was a small room, much like his own. It had a sturdy wardrobe and little else.   
Severus held back the blankets until Harry made himself comfortable then covered him with his warmed cloak and pulled the heavier bed clothes over top of it. Harry shivered, causing his back to go into a spasm. He hissed involuntarily at the unexpected pain.   
“What is it?”  
“Back. My back.”  
Severus shoved gently on Harry’s shoulder to make him turn away from him and onto his side. Harry obliged. Severus began to work his deft fingers into the knots in the muscles close to his spine. Soon the knot was gone and the pain receded.   
“It feels better now.”  
Severus grunted in acknowledgment and lightened his touches, but continued to rub Harry’s sweat-soaked back.   
He felt the beginnings of sleep but was startled when the bed shifted.   
“Don’t leave.” Harry squeezed his eyes shut tight and quietly berated himself. Why had he said that? He was quickly becoming the fool Roman had made him out to be.  
“All right,” Severus whispered. He returned to the bed, but this time he was closer. He continued rubbing Harry’s back. He felt the urge to push back, press himself against the warm body behind him. Could be feign sleep and make it look like an honest accident?   
Maybe not. Severus was too clever for that.   
His heart was pounding. He needed more. He wanted Severus’s arms around him holding him tight. He wanted that comfort.   
Before he could build up the bravery to do anything, he fell asleep once more.

* * *

Severus startled awake. He quickly realised the sound of Harry snoring softly had been what roused him. His arm was tucked around the younger man’s taut torso with his fingers tucked between Harry’s. When had that happened? He glanced to the small clock on his side table to see he didn’t need to be awake for another hour. Everything in him told him to hold Harry closer and enjoy the bit of time he had left before breakfast in the great hall.  
But he didn’t.   
How could he, when his cock was clearly presenting its excitement?  
He hovered over Harry and pressed a light kiss to his forehead then gently removed himself from his body and made his way to the shower.   
Beneath the warm stream of water, he wrapped his fingers around his hard cock and told himself he wasn’t hard because of Harry. It was normal. Perfectly normal to wake with an erection.   
But as he came and his body was racked with pleasant release, it was the memory of Harry’s body against him that presented itself in his mind.   
Shit. He’d have rather had his cock pressed against the opening of Romans begging arse than to have just wanked thinking of Harry.   
Harry was in love with a werewolf. He wasn’t age appropriate. And he was annoying. So damned annoying. He was needy and clingy and

Severus was desperately fucking in lo-

No. No. He couldn’t be. 

Severus was so lost in thought at breakfast that he didn’t notice when the seat next to his became occupied until he felt the press of a shoulder against his own.   
Harry smiled up at him. The colour had finally returned to his cheeks and the sheen of sweat had gone from his forehead.   
Severus felt his heart palpitate a bit harder than usual. Perhaps he was becoming ill with whatever had plagued Harry.   
“Feeling better?”  
“Yes. Much. Thank you again.”  
Severus offered him an awkward sort of nod and returned to his meal. Or, tried to.   
“Researching this evening?”  
He nodded.   
Harry took a few bites of food. “I didn’t see Roman this morning. Is he already in The Room?”  
Severus nodded.   
Harry chewed a few more bites of food. “Are you all right?”  
Severus nodded.   
“Okay, then. Er, I suppose we could chat later.”

Severus found himself unable to say much of anything to Harry over the next several days.   
Especially after Roman had commented on it.   
“How sweet of you to share your bed with that boy.”  
“He’s not a boy.”  
“Half your age.”  
“Only nearly.”  
“Sweet, nonetheless.”  
“He was sick.”  
“The Severus I knew only shared his bed when he got something out of it.”  
“Apparently I’ve changed.”  
“Yes. Apparently.”

He felt Harry eyeing him whenever they were close. Harry must have known something was off and wanted to ask Severus, but he hadn’t yet. And thank heavens for that because Severus hadn’t a rational excuse to give him.   
And he couldn’t say something simple such as “It’s stress.” Because the brat could never leave well enough alone and would press him and press him until Severus would no doubt lose all control and scream at him, “I find it difficult to speak to you because, against all of the sense I possess, I am falling incredibly, unreasonably in-“  
He shook his head hoping it would clear the thoughts.   
“Good evening, Severus.”  
“Lupin.”   
He hoped to glide past him with no further interaction but, of course, he was not so lucky.  
“I wanted to thank you.”  
“I’m not doing it for you, but you’re welcome.” He attempted to step past him but he blocked his way subtly.   
“I know. You’re doing it for Harry.”  
“No. I’m doing it for me. Can you imagine the notoriety I would gain were I the one to cure this affliction?”  
Remus smiled at him in that infuriating way that suggested he didn’t believe a word he said.   
“I’m doing it for myself,” he insisted again. Remus’s smile only widened. “I am doing it for myself because if you were to die you would only ever be the lost-too-soon love of Harry’s young life and become some impossible ideal in his heart. And I could never win then, could I? How could I ever compete with a dead man? I couldn’t. So I will save you so that in time Harry will see how utterly pathetic you are and come to me of his own decision rather than out of heartbreak over losing you.”  
Remus still grinned. He bowed his head just the smallest of increments. “I had the feeling. Good luck, Severus. And thank you. Really.”  
Severus rushed past him and to his own quarters. His heart and mind racing. That’s what he had feared. That he would open his mouth and his thoughts would fall out. Thoughts that he’d not even confronted himself yet.   
He closed the door to his quarters and collapsed against it.   
He’d said it.   
He finally said it. 


	10. Chapter 10

Severus began to dice his ingredients. He was sure they were getting closer. Had to be. Everything was aligning.   
His shoulders tensed then relaxed when he felt hands move across his shoulders. He’d been so focused he’d not noticed the door opening.   
“I hope you brought tea, Potter.”  
“Potter?” Came Romans voice, that eternal teasing present in his tone. “I should think not. I’m sure my touches are superior to his.”  
“No,” Severus said absentmindedly. “His are better.”  
“Then it’s true.”  
“What’s true? Are there rumours about the skills of Potter’s hands?”  
“My assessment has been proven. You feel something for him.”  
“Let us work, Roman. I feel we’re getting closer.”  
“Work? _Work?!_ You’re so distracted by that... that _boy-"_

"Don't you dare say one insulting word about him in my presence."

"-that I feel we could have been done with this by now. What in the world has possessed you to think that your pining after him is doing you a single iota of good? He's the _saviour_ , Severus. The chosen one. I am positive he has no shortage of people lining up to warm his bed or claim his heart, including that werewolf of his. And you're... well, _you._ I needn't waste my time even insulting you, because you know what you are.”

“Roman, I wish you safe travels back home.”  
“So, that's it, eh? Well then. I'll take my cue. I’ll be looking for your wedding announcement... to whoever you settle for after that boy shuns you for a werewolf.”  
The man laughed wickedly as he closed the door.   
Once, Severus would have wrapped his hands around the throat of any man who dared speak to him in such a manner.But he found he had no such desire now. 

  
Various potions were sustaining Remus for the moment, but it wouldn’t last forever. Death was coming for him.   
Severus had to be fast. He didn’t have time for strangling morons or courting saviours.  
_He didn’t have time._

* * *

It was nearly Christmas and the students would be leaving soon. The dungeons were colder than ever.   
Severus searched through his wardrobe and then the rest of his quarters for his favourite cloak.   
And as he bent down to look between the cushions of the sofa, he remembered.   
Abandoning his search, he resigned himself to lunch in the Great Hall before heading out to the greenhouses for supplies.   
He stepped into the dining hall and spotted Harry. He straightened his shoulders, took a deep breath, and marched forward to take his seat by Harry, which he hadn’t done now in weeks.   
Harry smiled at him and placed his hand on his shoulder. He could melt beneath that warm touch, if he’d allow himself to. “Are we better now?” he asked.  
“Hm?”  
“Whatever happened that made you close yourself off from me- is it better now?”  
“I- well, no.”  
Harry frowned. “Severus, I can't stand the silence. Please. Could we talk about it?”  
“No.”  
“I saw that Roman left. Any reason for that?”  
“Yes.”  
“One you’d like to talk about?”  
“No.”  
“Is it- the same reason for both?”  
“Similar, yes.”  
“Is it-“  
“-Harry. Stop. I beg of you.”  
“Okay,” He said quietly, sounding defeated. Until that moment Severus hadn’t recognised exactly how broken Harry was.   
He loved the Harry that was passionate and persistent, not this quiet and yielding version of him.   
Severus put his hand over Harry’s.   
“Soon,” he promised. 

* * *

  
Severus was eager to get back to the room of requirement. With the students gone for Christmas holiday, he had more time to focus on his research.  
But once back in the castle from collecting ingredients he immediately heard his name called.   
Harry was breathless when he finally caught up to him. His broom was in one hand.   
“I’m going to Grimmauld for Christmas, would you like to come?”  
“I dare say I do not.”  
“You’d rather spend it here alone?” His nose wrinkled in disgust as if spending the holidays alone in the castle were the worst thing he could think of.   
“It is how I spend every Christmas. I cannot say that it has ever bothered me, nor will it this year.”  
Harry frowned and chewed the inside of his cheek.   
“For the love of Merlin, Potter. Why on earth would I choose to spend my time with Black and Lupin when I could be here in a mostly child-free castle?”  
“I want them to know you better. You’re... bugger it. Doesn’t matter. You barely speak to me anyways. Not sure why I’m wasting my breath.”  
Harry moved to push past him but Severus stopped him with a touch to his wrist   
“I’m what?”  
Harry shook his head and blinked rapidly, looking everywhere but at Severus.   
“You’re important to me.”  
Severus swallowed hard and had to force himself to breathe, as if the natural instinct to do so had left his body. He knew, of course. He had to know that Harry felt he was important. Had he not, only a few weeks past, begged Severus to stay in bed with him? As innocent as the request had been, it meant something, didn’t it?  
Not to mention the fact that-  
“You still have my cloak.”  
A blush instantly splayed across Harry’s face, deepening the red of his wind burnt cheeks. “I’ll wash it and return it,” he said hurriedly.   
“Keep it. I have others.”  
“I’ll have Dobby bring it to you later.” Harry turned and walked away. “Doesn’t smell like you anymore anyways,” he said over his shoulder, as if there were some deeper meaning to the words that Severus had no way of deciphering. 

* * *

The research was grueling. He began to feel the way his seventh year NEWT students must feel- as if there were no possible way for any more information to embed in his brain. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes. Supper and a shower would clear his mind and he would return tomorrow.   
But as acceptable as it was to eat in the great hall without the annoying chattering of youths, he suddenly found his appetite vanished with the sight of Harry laughing heartily with Remus, his hand on his chest and leaning into him.   
He berated himself on his walk back to his rooms to eat alone.   
It’s not like it was a surprise.   
Harry was in love with the man.   
He’d known this.   
And of course, as ill as Lupin was, he would be wooing Harry in every way he knew how to, now that he knew of Severus’s intentions- although Severus himself had not realised these intentions before speaking them.   
Did it even matter, really? Severus couldn’t have Harry in that way, even if no other sought him. He was young and beautiful, a hero, a celebrity. He was everything that was right in the world.   
And Severus?  
His existence was no more than a cruel joke. 

Severus’s cloak lay cleaned and folded atop his coffee table, as promised. A folded note lay to the side of it.   
_Severus,_  
_I had sat down to write a letter to you. A longer letter than this one, anyways. But I find I really have no words for what I feel I need to say to you._  
_So I suppose I will settle for thank you._  
_Love, Harry_

Love? Did that mean anything more than comfortable familiarity?  
He decided it didn’t and tossed it in the bin.   
Only to dig it out again that evening once he returned from his experimental brewing.   
He traced the words Love Harry with his finger a few times.   
Then threw it into the fire lest he allowed himself another moment of pathetic impractical longing for something he didn’t deserve and could never possibly attain.   
Severus was meant to serve a purpose. He was not meant to be loved.

* * *

  
“Stay,” Lupin rasped as Harry moved to leave the bed where he had pulled the blankets tight around Remus’s shivering body. A single candle flicked at the bedside, casting a calming light over the sheen of sweat on Remus’s forehead.  
Harry stilled. He knew it was not an invitation of physical intimacy- Remus was far too weak for that. But he stilled because of how similar it had sounded to his own plea made to Severus weeks before.   
“Are you sure?” Harry asked. And he couldn’t understand why, but Harry didn’t want to. Not really. He wanted to offer him comfort, he wanted to be with him, but his mind had been set on seeing where Severus was and what he was doing.   
“Unless you have other plans for the evening. I know that lying around with a dying man isn’t likely to be your first choice.”  
Harry tucked his body tight around Remus’s and pushed the hair from his forehead. “Hush. I’ll lay here as long as you like.”  
Remus nodded, sighed, and settled in deeper to the soft blankets.   
“It’s okay,” he whispered suddenly. “If Severus doesn’t find what he’s looking for. I’ve come to terms with my fate long ago and I’d never endeavor to put the burden of my health onto him- or you.”  
“He’s trying, Remus.”  
His eyes fluttered open and those amber eyes offered Harry an odd sort of look he wasn’t sure he’d seen on that face before. “I know that he is. He’s... motivated.”  
Harry nodded. “Yes. He is a good man, once you get to know him. Although you’re not quite friends, he doesn’t wish to see any harm come to you.”  
“I’m sure.” He sighed and he licked his cracked lips. “We both know he isn’t doing it for me, Harry.”  
Remus blinked rapidly and looked away. It was a look Harry knew well because he did it himself, when he was struggling against tears. “He loves you.”  
Harry snorted. “That’s absurd.”  
“He loves you as I do.”  
Harry took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes tight.   
“And you love him, too.”  
“No,” Harry whispered.  
“The full moon is only two days away, Harry. My senses are heightened. I can hear your heart racing when you say his name.”  
Remus wasn’t wrong. His heart was pounding against his ribcage. He felt like he might vomit, but from which emotion, he wasn’t sure.   
“I love you, Moony.”  
“I know that you do. Do you think it could be possible that you might love me... differently... than you love Severus?”  
“Hush now. You need sleep.”  
“It’s all right if that is true. I would never begrudge you finding love.”  
Did he love Severus? Did that mean he loved Remus less?  
“Actually, Harry. I think I might need my first dose of the wolfsbane. Could you go fetch it?”  
“Of course.” Harry propped himself on his elbow and kissed Remus’s temple. “Where is it?”  
“Severus hasn’t delivered it yet. Could you go see if it’s ready?”

  
“Sorry to disturb you, Severus.”  
He nodded absentmindedly, hovered over the massive cauldron. He’d forgone his outer cloak and had the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows.  
“Remus asked me to come get his wolfsbane from you? He said something about it being time for his first dose.”  
Severus’s head snapped up, his eyes brows furrowed in confusion.   
“I see.”  
“Is it… er, is it ready?”  
“He’s always been an abysmal liar.”  
“Excuse me?” Harry stepped forward, ready to defend Remus.   
Severus chuckled sardonically. “What was...” he sighed. “What was happening between you when he asked you to come retrieve his potion?”  
Harry felt his cheeks heat in a blush. He didn’t think Severus really wanted to hear the particulars. “Talking.”  
Severus stepped away from the cauldron and approached him, something odd in his eyes. It frightened him but he didn’t retreat.   
“Then why are you blushing, Mr Potter?” His voice came out in a growl like Harry’d not heart before.   
Severus knew he was in love with Remus, why did he feel so hesitant to tell him that he’d been innocently lying in bed with him?   
“I was in his bed. But we weren’t doing anything. I was simply trying to be there for him. He’s having a rough night. I suppose it’s worse when the full moon is impending which is why he sent me here to-“  
“- to get the potion he already has, and only takes once a month.” Severus smirked in a self satisfied way, like he’d just heard a secret.  
Harry’s shoulder slumped. “Do you think he was trying to send me away? But... but he had just asked me to stay.” Harry frowned.   
“He was sending you to me.”  
Harry nodded, but he didn’t truly understand.   
“So there is no potion to take back?”  
“No, Potter.”  
Harry shrugged weakly. “Since I’m here, do you need anything?”  
Severus moved away, and Harry missed his proximity instantly.   
He ignored Harry’s question. “Why did you hesitate to tell me you were in bed with him? You made it a point to tell me you weren’t doing anything. Why should I care what two consenting adults are up to?”  
“Well, you did. Before. The comments you made about him and about Matthew.”  
Harry didn’t want to hurt Severus. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable because of his relationships with either man. But Severus made a good point. Why should he care? Why had he cared before? And why did Harry care now?  
“Did it feel a bit like...” Severus took a deep ragged breath through his nose and exhaled slowly. He looked at Harry looking saddened and confused. “Did it feel a bit like being unfaithful to me?”  
Harry took a haphazard step backwards as if he’d been physically pushed.   
“Yes,” he whispered. Harry looked into Severus’s eyes. And then he turned and fled.   
He fled.   
He didn’t stop until he returned to his own rooms which, frankly, he hadn’t seen enough of lately. He was exhausted in every way a man could be.   
He collapsed onto his sofa and kicked off his shoes, rolled his stiff neck back and forth, then buried his head in his hands and cried.   
He loved Severus.   
But where did this leave Remus? Harry didn’t feel that he loved him any less.   
Harry rubbed his hands down hard over his face as if that would clear the thoughts. It didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was saving Remus before they ran out of time. 

* * *

Harry stepped coolly out of the floo and shook the soot from his shoulders. He stilled his movements when he heard a conversation from the kitchen.   
“Why did you lie to him, Moony?”  
“You know why.”  
Remus sounded weak and tired.   
There was silence then finally Remus continued. “To protect him.”  
Sirius barked a bitter laugh. “From what? Harry is a grown man who can make his own decisions. Did you fear my reaction? It would be a bit odd for me to see you two together, romantically. But I could adjust to that! I know how rare love is, old friend. If you and Harry are happy together then I wouldn’t-“  
“-No, I know. But Harry has made a decision, he just doesn’t know it yet. I could die, Sirius. And when I do, I think Harry and Severus-“  
“Snivellus? You’re out of your mind. Harry hates him!”  
“You haven’t seen what I have. There is no hatred there.”  
“Well, you won’t be dying any time soon so you and Harry have time.”  
“Harry is different with him than he is with me. I think he had a misplaced crush on me when he was younger and he carried that over into his adult years. But what he thought was romantic love... well, I thought it was, too. What he felt for me, I mean. But what he and Severus-“  
“I won’t hear any more of it, Moony!” It sounded like a fist slammed against the table. “No more lying about potions or anything else to drive them together. If Harry loves you, let him!”  
“No!” Remus’s voice was more insistent and desperate than he’d ever heard it. “If I don’t do this now... I have to make sure Harry knows it’s okay! If Severus... if he does save me, I don’t want Harry to try to make a relationship work with me out of guilt. Do you understand? I cannot do that to him and you shouldn’t want that for him, either.”  
Harry turned and stepped quietly back through the floo, fleeing for the second time in a weekend. 


	11. Chapter 11

“Pass me the black vial,” Severus said, without looking up from his microscope.

Harry passed it to him silently. Their fingers grazed one another's as he accepted it. Harry was so aware of the small contact. He always was, when they touched, no matter how incidental. It didn't feel like a spark the way he'd felt when he first kissed Remus, but it was a warmth that made him feel like he would never know the cold again. 

Severus’s look of utmost concentration was one of the most endearing parts about the man. Harry could watch him study for hours on end; just watching the delicious, pink tongue peek out between his lips, with his black eyes narrowed.

They’d been at it for a long while today, the research. Harry was struggling to keep his eyes open. He let his eyelids slide closed. He thought about that studious look on Severus’s face, imagined that those intense eyes were studying him, searching out Harry’s eyes for signs of pleasure as he ground down against him. Imagined those long and delicate fingers were tracing down Harry’s sternum. Harry growled and snapped his eyes open, he wiped his hands down over his face in frustration and slapped them down against his thighs. He was losing grip. He couldn’t keep doing this. 

“I was jealous,” Harry suddenly said. He had to gulp back the gasp from the surprise of his own admission. 

Severus turned from the microscope to look over at his notes. “Hm?” 

Harry swallowed again. “Nothing.”

Severus raised his head slowly and turned towards him. The light glinted in his eyes black eyes and Harry’s heart quickened. 

“What were you jealous of, Potter?”

It was too late to turn back now.

“That Roman Tuskwood bastard.”

“Jealous of him? Whatever for?” Severus looked genuinely perplexed, and not teasing in the least bit. 

“I- I don’t know. That you might like him better. This felt like- this time researching. It felt like our time. Then he was here suddenly. I just didn’t like it.”

Severus reached his hand across the desk and placed it tentatively over Harry’s. Both men stared down at their hands. Harry turned his hand over gently and tangled his fingers in Severus’s. They both looked up slowly. Harry felt himself shrink beneath Severus’s gaze and looked away from him. 

“I’d never enjoy his company more than yours,” he said earnestly.

“Good. Because he’s a right bastard.”

Severus grinned. “Yes, he is.”

“He didn’t even help you finish the research.”

“He would have, had I allowed him, I think.”

“Allowed him?”

“I made him go.”

Harry could see that Severus was struggling to say more. He waited for it, but Severus sniffled and began to pull his hand away. Harry held tighter, refusing to let him remove it. 

“Why?” Harry asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

“Because he made me confront the truth and I was not ready.”

“Are you ready now?”

“No.”

“Nor am I.”

“For...” Severus cleared his throat. “For your truth, or mine?”

“Both.”

Severus nodded. 

Harry wanted to lift Severus’s hand to his mouth and kiss those long fingers, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. 

How could he leave Remus all alone in the world?

“When did everything change?”

Severus sighed and moved back to his work. 

* * *

“You were right, Matthew.”

“I know. But about what this time?”

“I love him.”

“Well, did you tell him that?”

“No. How could I do that to Remus?”

“Love isn’t rational, mate. I’m sure he knows that. Of all the things you could do to remove him from your life... well, finding love isn’t one of them. All you can do is be honest.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

“But could you just imagine all that sexy, black hair hanging down over his face as he-“

“-please stop!” Harry groaned.

Matthew fell into a fit of laughter.

* * *

Harry yawned and leant forward to rest his forehead against the cold work table. They'd spent around 26 hours in the room of requirement in the past two days.

“You’re exhausted.”

Harry nodded against the table. Nothing he did anymore escaped Severus’s notice. No matter how busy the man was, he saw Harry. And Harry saw him. 

“You’ve been teaching your classes, keeping up with your quidditch duty, caring for Lupin, helping me here…” Severus sighed. “Of course you’re exhausted. I am fine here if you wish to go nap. Go. Use your Saturday to relax.”

“Severus,” Harry’s voice was no more than a rasped whisper. “You have been busier than I. If you’re here, I am here. I’m not leaving.”

Severus stood. “Come on, then. My eyes are tired and this potion needs to sit a while. Let’s stretch our legs.”

No matter the time of year, the leaves always crunched deliciously underfoot in the Forbidden Forest. Severus walked purposefully, his back straight and his arms at his side. Harry tromped forward like a great troll, just enjoying the fresh air. He idly wondered how forced together the two of them must look to outsiders. They didn’t mesh together like puzzle pieces. Hell, they weren’t even from the same puzzle. But they softened one another’s edges and maybe, one day, they would fit. Harry had similar thoughts daily, but never without the added pangs of guilt.

How odd would he look with Remus? Would they look more “right?” Would they be better for one another, despite the persistent nagging that Harry felt to reach out and grab Severus?

“Remus has slept for days now,” Harry suddenly said. 

Severus grunted noncommittally. 

“He did wake for a while this morning. I made him eat. He….” Harry stopped and reached out to stroke the tear drop shaped leaves of a shrub. The branch recoiled as if Harry had startled it. “He wants to plan his funeral. He’s having a ministry official come by tomorrow to write out his final wishes.”

Severus touched Harry’s elbow gently but the hand fell away quickly. “It must hurt you. To be losing yet another mentor. Someone else you love. I- I’m sorry, Harry.”

Severus had never spoken to him so kindly. He never showed pity or verbalised his empathy, but Harry knew better than to speak of it. 

Harry stepped closer and they continued to walk on in silence. Their hands brushed a few times, but neither moved to stop it. Instead, after several minutes, Severus grabbed Harry’s hand and held it. Harry squeezed tight, not wanting the other man to remove the contact. 

“We should turn back. We’re getting too deep in the forest.”

They both began to turn, but turned towards one another by accident, forcing them to stand face to face. Severus’s lips split apart in surprise. And Harry found himself wanting to stand up on the tips of his toes to place a kiss to those thin lips. Instead, he brought Severus’s hand to his mouth and kissed his fingers one by one. 

“Why?” Severus gasped out. 

“Hush.” And in one move, Harry dropped the hand, and had his arms wrapped around Severus’s shoulders, their mouths only a breadth apart. He searched Severus’s eyes for permission but instead he only saw confusion and raw fear. He stroked his fingers through the man’s thin, soft hair. 

“I’m not ready. I can’t, Harry. _I can’t_.”

“I know what I said yesterday about not being ready but, I want to tell you. I need to tell you."

Severus reached back and pulled Harry's hands away. “Tell me what? That you see some deeper, kinder part of me? Some part of me that reminds you of Lupin? I am not a consolation prize, boy. I am still the hateful, ugly man you have always known and that will not change. Not for anyone, not even you.”

“I don’t want you to ch-“

“-I am not a project. I am not a wounded bird to be cared for.”

“Who said you are?”

“I am not deserving of you, and you cannot change that.”

“Shut up, will you?!”

Severus sighed. “It wasn’t that long ago that you were crying over another man in my doorway.”

“Does that diminish anything I have to say to you? Does that somehow undermine what I feel now?”

Severus crossed his arms and straightened his posture. “It gives me hesitation, yes.”

“Fuck you, Snape.” Harry felt his magic tremor just below the surface of his skin. His hands trembled and he struggled to even his breathing. He finally felt the bravery he’d so desired to bare his soul to this man and he couldn’t even listen!

Severus snarled. “How easily your affections change. This proves my point. Thank you for sparing my breath.”

“Why do you see everything in black and white? I can love you and also think you’re a fucking arse, you know. It isn’t all or nothing.”

“It is to me. How can you stand there and insist that you lo- that you, that you _feel things_ for me, when you don't even know me?"

"Don't know you? Severus, I have spent damn near every waking moment with you for months now!"

"And yet you thought I'd even have interest in a man like Roman? You're here preaching to me about areas of grey, when you should know that I am never one to enter into things lightly, or one to do things half-heartedly. You do not know me, Harry Potter. This version of me that you think you know is one that you've fabricated in your own weak mind."

"If you would just let me tell you, if you could just listen-"

"If I could listen? I told you yesterday I wasn't ready for this conversation and you're attempting to thrust it upon me, simply because you have had a change of heart."

Harry stepped backwards. Severus was right, it wasn't fair to do this to him. It wasn't fair what he was doing to Remus.

Severus wasn't the one who needed to change, Harry was. 


	12. Chapter 12

Severus nearly stumbled on his walk back to his rooms. His legs felt heavy, inoperable, and foreign to his body. He had no idea what time it was, and he was exhausted.   
Very, truly exhausted in every conceivable meaning of the word. Mentally, emotionally, physically. He couldn’t begin to count the hours he’d spent over the cauldron this past week. He wasn’t even able to take anymore revitalising potion as he’d had the maximum human dosage every day for twelve days straight now. His back hurt, his hands, and feet hurt. And he didn’t have the stimulation of Harry’s company to keep his mind whirring as he worked. And that was due to his emotional exhaustion.   
He knew what Harry had wanted to say. He knew it, even though he refused to consciously even think the words.   
Harry wanted some grand gesture, some romantic declaration of love and devotion.   
Severus pushed open the door to his rooms and let out a derisive huff. How ridiculous.   
He loved Harry. Oh, he knew that as fact, and had finally been able to admit it. But Harry loving him in return? How utterly laughable.   
No, the boy was clearly given to flights of fancy.   
_Fuck you, Snape_ he’d spat in his face so easily only a week ago.   
The boy was tired, as he was. He was in love with that werewolf and he was dying. Everyone Harry had ever loved had been ripped away from him. Surely it was a defense mechanism to turn his love away from Remus and towards Severus who, in Harry’s eyes, was now the most reliable man in his life. He had his godfather, of course, but even Harry was not blind to the man’s plentiful and obvious shortcomings. Not to mention, straight as they come.   
If Severus were a slightly worse man, if he didn’t love Harry, he would have let Harry say those things that he’d intended to. He would have turned on his Slytherin charm and he’d have allowed Harry to warm his bed until the boy grew tired of him.   
But Severus’s heart was at the core of this and he couldn’t risk playing games with the boy because he knew the only feelings at stake were his own.   
He had softened in age, surely that is the only logical reason he had allowed this to happen.   
Harry had avoided him for days now, only occasionally asking at the staff table how the research was coming. And, even then, his words came in clipped, sterile questions. It was killing Severus. He missed his presence in the room, missed his warmth as they walked together. He badly desired his attentions once more, his tentative and purposeful little touches.   
Severus collapsed onto his sofa and toed off his dragon-hide boots, enjoying the thud of them against the rug, signifying the end of his day- though, surely, it was nearing 4 in the morning. He stretched his long body out along the sofa and accio’d a coverlet. He wouldn’t be making it the extra fifteen steps to his bed. Not tonight.   
He was exhausted. 

It felt as if he had just reached a satisfying rem sleep when his forearm flared and burned.   
“No,” he groaned. “Please. No psychopathic dark lords tonight.”  
“It is not being he-who-must-not-be-named, sir! It is Dobby! Please wake, sir! Dark Lord is being long, long dead! Master Harry Potter is needing Master Severus Snape, sir!”  
Severus stirred at that. He forced his eyes to peel open, though they felt as heavy as lead. Dobby's long, crooked fingers still grasped his forearm, over the fading tattoo.  
“Get my boots on for me, please, Dobby.”  
The elf snapped his fingers and Severus’s boots slid themselves on his feet and tied.   
“Tell me where he is. What’s wrong?”  
“The elveses is not knowing, sir. Master Harry Potter- he cries and he cries but he is not here, sir. His body is here, but Harry Potter is not here.”  
“Where is he? His body. Where is his body?”  
Severus’s heart beat so madly, pulsating so viscerally that he could barely focus on Dobby’s answer.   
He ran from his rooms, not even positive that he had closed back the door. His body propelled itself forward with speed that he was sure he would never accomplish again. He operated now on pure adrenaline alone. Harry needed him. 

  
Harry sat outside Lupin’s rooms against the stone wall of the corridor. He hugged his knees to his chest and stared forward. He knew immediately what Dobby had meant, that Harry Potter was not with his body.   
He was downright catatonic.   
Severus slowly lowered himself down into his knees, though his knees protested loudly against him.   
“Harry,” he whispered, hoping to not startle him. “You sent for me?”  
Dobby stood a few feet away, watching on worriedly. Severus hadn’t even realised the elf had followed him here.   
“Harry Potter did not send Dobby, sir. Dobby is knowing Severus Snape is only one who can be helping him, sir.”  
Severus nodded in understanding. “I’ll take care of him, Dobby. I promise. You can go.”  
He nodded his great head and vanished.   
“Harry. I want to help you, but you have to talk to me.”  
Harry remained silent, unmoving. He waved his wand along Harry’s body with a diagnostic spell but there was nothing physically wrong with him.   
Severus was no stranger to panic attacks and he could identify one when he saw one. He moved to sit by Harry, wrapped his arm around the young man’s shoulders, and pulled him into an embrace, cradling his head against his chest.   
He rocked him slowly and carded his fingers through his thick hair. Finally, Harry took a deep, unsteady, breath. He clung to Severus, fisting his hand in the front of his shirt.   
“I hear your heart, Severus.”  
“Yes,” he whispered. “That’s good. Tell me something you see.”  
Harry sniffled. He lifted one hand and ran his finger along Severus’s forearm. “I see your dark mark.”  
Severus all but shuddered. He never allowed that bitter reminder to be put on display but he hadn’t replaced his robes in his haste.   
“Yes, Harry. What do you smell?”  
“You,” he said simply.   
“And Something you feel?”  
“Your hands.”  
“Count to ten for me.”  
Harry did as he was told and soon his breathing evened out, but neither of them moved.   
Severus held him, and Harry allowed it.   
He kissed the top of Harry’s head, smoothed his hand down over his hair then kissed the spot again.   
He’d never had any desire to show such care to anyone before but, with Harry, it felt natural.   
“What happened tonight, Harry?”  
Harry grumbled out a non-response.   
“You can tell me.”  
“I ruin everything good in my life. A lot of bad things were just dealt to me, but I ruined the few good things that came.”  
Severus knew, in that moment, that the two had more in common than he’d thought possible. It was exactly how Severus felt every single day of his life.   
“That’s not true. What have you ruined?”  
Harry pulled himself gently free from his arms enough to raise his head and lean against his shoulder.   
“If I’d just kept my mouth shut, then Remus and I would be friends. That’s all. And I could be in there with him in his final days without this horrible tension between us. If I’d just shut my mouth with you, I would still be able to spend every day with you. If I’d focused more on my friends, they’d still be here. I haven’t spoken to either of them in weeks, haven’t seen you in days, and I can barely look into Remus’s eyes. And don’t argue with me. It’s simply the truth.”  
Severus couldn’t argue with him, not really. He’d always felt that a great deal of Harry’s problems began with the boy’s inability to use his brain before running headlong into things, but it’s also what he loved about him. He was led by his heart. It was foolish, but Severus envied it.   
“You don’t have to be here, you know. I’ll be fine.”  
Severus hushed him and squeezed him just a bit tighter and likewise, despite his words, Harry leaned into the touch.   
“I know you don’t want to be here with me, Severus.”  
Severus was startled. Didn’t want to-? Why would the boy think he didn’t want to be there with him?  
The truth was that Severus was more than pleased to have Harry in his arms now after a week without the boy’s presence; but he had never been good at expressing feelings such as those.   
“You are the one who has avoided me for a week. I never requested that absence.”  
“But that conversation-“  
“Yes, it was a difficult one and it did not end well. That does not mean I don’t desire-“  
Your presence, your body, your heart, your loyalty...   
Harry nodded as if understanding but Severus knew that he did not, could not.   
He could not understand what Severus himself was struggling to grasp.   
“I’m tired,” Harry whispered. Severus stood and extended his hand to Harry to help him up. He couldn’t control himself. He could blame the exhaustion, the weeks of being teased by Harry’s small touches, or the intoxicating specks of light in his eyes- but he couldn’t stop himself. He lifted a trembling hand to Harry’s cheek and stroked along that angular jaw line. Harry leaned into the touch the way a cat would.   
“You need sleep,” Severus said. He glanced to the door to Remus’s rooms from the corner of his eye. Harry seemed to understand.   
“I don’t sleep here,” Harry answered.   
“Come, then. I’ll walk you to your room.” Severus’s hand fell to his side and he moved to turn but Harry stopped him.   
“Please,” Harry’s eyes were wild and desperate and sad. He hadn’t seen him so distraught since the death of the Diggory boy. “I don’t want to be alone.”  
Severus was sure the sun would be rising soon. It wouldn’t be long, so it couldn’t hurt- could it?  
He nodded and began his trek down the corridor. Harry fell into step behind him.   
Both men, absolutely knackered, kicked their boots off at the door. Harry stripped off his robes and peeled off his trousers, leaving him in his pants and t-shirt. Severus stripped down to his trousers. Harry made his way into the bedroom first and collapsed onto the far side of the bed. Severus gently followed him from the opposite side, lifting the blankets and pushing his legs down beneath them. Severus was always keen on that first contact with the bedsheets, how crisp and cold they felt.   
Harry, however, shivered. He was far more accustomed to the warm, high towers of Gryffindor and not the cold dungeons of Slytherin.   
Severus wrapped his arm about the boys middle and pulled him close, to warm him. Understanding, Harry pushed his cold toes between Severus’s calves.   
His lips were against Harry’s ear, Harry’s head rested on Severus’s extended bicep, fitting perfectly together like two spoons in a cupboard.   
When Harry’s breath began to slow and even out into the beginnings of sleep, Severus dared to place a gentle kiss to the delicate skin behind Harry’s ear.   
“Do it again,” Harry whispered. Severus froze. He’d been sure the boy was asleep. But Severus did, he kissed the spot again. Harry sighed. He reached his hand behind him and placed it on Severus’s narrow thigh and gave it an affectionate squeeze.   
“I don’t want to wake in the morning.”  
Severus’s eyes shot open, his heart quickened.   
“Harry-“  
“No, that’s- I only mean that I want to stay here like this. It’s the only place that’s felt like home in months. Here, with you.”  
Severus kissed the spot again, acknowledging Harry- letting him know that he’d been heard, understood, that Severus felt the same way.   
Severus dreamed that night.   
He doesn’t very often, but in his caring for Harry, he’d forgotten to take his dreamless sleep.   
Harry was being attacked. It was a faceless, shapeless army- in the way that dreams tend to blur lines.   
Severus ran to aid him and erected a massive shield, not unlike the one that protects the airspace of Hogwarts.   
The onslaught continued, but the army would never get through. Harry would be free to live his life, even as the army tired themselves with their onslaught.   
Severus’s eyes snapped open.   
Harry had turned in the night, they were now face to face, Severus’s numb arm beneath the boy's head.   
His eyelashes were slayed across his lightly freckled cheeks, his rosy lips split apart in relaxation.   
His heart beat a bit faster and the extra blood was all pushed to one particular area of his body. He moved forward slowly and pressed a kiss to his soft lips.   
Harry’s nose twitched and Severus pulled back, startled. But it was moot because Harry pushed forward again, still seeking out of the warmth of Severus’s body.   
“Love you, Severusss. Love you,” Harry grumbled out beneath his breath.   
God, how Severus would love to begin every day of the rest of his life hearing those words from those lips!   
But Harry had to want it, too. He needed to hear it from a deep place within Harry. He did not want it to come from being the stability beneath the crumbling foundation that the werewolf had left.   
“Harry,” Severus whispered and pushed back the fringe from Harry’s eyes. The boy was deeply asleep. Severus kissed the tip of his nose and slowly pushed himself out of the bed. 

It was time to brew that protective shield.


	13. Chapter 13

Harry stretched happily, finally feeling rested though he knew he hadn’t been in bed more than a few hours. His hand blindly sought out Severus, he’d been here with his arms around him just a moment ago, but Harry only felt chilled sheets and then a stiff sheet of parchment.   
Harry cracked an eye open, unable to do more than that immediately.   
_In The Room of Requirement._  
 _Severus_  
In Severus’s absence, Harry gathered up an arm full of the man’s blankets and buried his face in them. They smelled like him. They felt like him. He’d felt the man hold him and kiss him the night before and he'd give anything to get that moment back. Merlin knew Severus didn't let his guard down often and Harry wondered when, or if, a moment like it would come again.  
Usually thoughts about his developing relationship with Severus was accompanied by the painful gnawing of guilt in his gut, but this morning the guilt didn’t come.   
_“Stop feeling guilty for being happy,”_ Matthew had told him.   
A wise man, that muggle. And Harry was inclined to take his advice.   
He’d have never thought he could find such peace in Severus, that the man could feel like home to him. But here he was, face buried in the man’s blankets, just to feel close to him for a few extra moments.   
Harry freshened up in Severus’s bathroom, pleased to see the barren countertop, devoid of Roman's hideous beauty potions and supplies. 

Harry began his march up, up, up to the room of requirement. Visions appeared there in his mind. He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. He was going to shove his way into the room, walk right up to him and - and what? His determination to do _something_ got a little hazy there. He was going to kiss him? Embrace him? Scream I love you like a mad man and inevitably flee in embarrassment? He had to do something- _something!_  
Come on, Potter! _Do something!_  
He pushed the door open, “Severus! I-“  
Severus rushed forward and gathered Harry in his arms before Harry could make his own decision on what would come next.   
Harry sighed and relaxed into the embrace, nuzzling his face into the man’s scarred neck. He smelled like sage and smoke.  
“Severus,” he whispered.   
“We did it,” Severus rasped, some thick emotion filling his words.   
“What?”  
Severus held tighter and lifted Harry from his feet. He kissed Harry’s hairline over and over. “We did it,” he repeated. “I have the cure.”  
Harry gasped and released Severus who then gently replaced his feet on the ground. He pulled back just enough to look into the man’s eyes. He doubted he’d ever seen those severe features ever display such tender emotion.   
“Did you say-?”  
He nodded. “Yes. I dreamt- I dreamt about you in the early hours this morning. It came to me- I don’t have to annihilate the werewolf cells inside of him. I only have to keep them from acting- disarm them, so to speak. Luckily, I kept all of my earlier attempts and one of them only needed slight tweaking.”  
“So you have it. You have it now.” Harry was in a state of utter shock and disbelief.   
“Yes.”

But, as excited as was, ecstatic to be having Remus healthy again, he still had that persistent question prodding him from deep in his mind: what now? Time to date develop a relationship with Remus, and say goodbye to Severus? Or time to ease himself away from Remus and towards Severus? He wasn't sure he had a heart to offer Remus any longer. It was clutched so firmly in Severus's hands and, regardless of how he consciously felt about the matter, there was nothing he could do about it now. 

* * *

  
Severus stood awkwardly in the doorway to Lupin's bedroom and watched the man he loved gently pour the first batch of the shimmery, black liquid down the werewolf’s throat. Harry explained it to him as best he could, mimicking Severus’s own words from earlier that morning.   
“It will still be in me.”  
“Yes, but the cells that transform you will be inactive. They won’t be able to make you turn, and they will stop deteriorating your human body.”  
“Harry,” Remus turned his head to Severus and smiled genuinely. “Severus, I cannot ever repay you. I cannot thank you enough.”  
Harry stroked Remus's face. A tear rolled down the boys cheek.   
Severus cleared his throat uncomfortably and Harry slowly pulled his hand away from Lupin.   
“You’ll have to take it every other day, for a total of six doses, by my approximation. We will reassess after the sixth dose.”  
Remus nodded. “Thank you.”  
Severus left as quietly as he could, giving the two men the time they needed. Besides, he was sure Black would be appearing any moment. He was too exhausted and disheartened to face the man this morning. 

He was sure Harry would not choose him and in months or years from now, Severus would be attending their wedding. He couldn’t blame Harry, not really. Remus was handsome with his amber eyes, shiny characteristic scars, broad shoulders, and wavy light brown hair. So far from Severus with his lank hair, keloid scarring, and thin, crooked body. Remus was outwardly intelligent, patient, humourous, and smiled at everyone in a way that was endearing. Severus was intelligent, but in a way that was hidden behind library shelves and closed doors. He knew that he was not patient, nor particularly kind and, moreover, he still had no desire to change. And so, he was sure the perfect Harry Potter would be having Remus Lupin as a bed and life partner, casting Severus aside, but Severus could not, and would not ever blame him for it. 

He tried to be happy with the time he’d had with the young man. Tried to be grateful for the times he’d been able to hold him. He tried to find some comfort that he’d been reminded of what love felt like, regardless of how briefly. But it was such a Dumbledore thing to think, and so foreign in Severus’s heart and mind, that he found himself unable to feel anything but bitter. 

Severus had only enough prepared that morning to create one dose. And, for this, he was grateful that he would have enough work to keep him occupied for the day in creating the subsequent doses for Lupin. Peculiar, he thought, that his mind now was so focused on Harry. Whenever he had dared to daydream of this moment- this moment of a monumental potions breakthrough- he had seen himself getting carried away writing lectures for the potions conventions, or speaking to journalists. He hadn't considered that his pathetic love life would be at the forefront of his thoughts. He had desired praise and accolades for his work for so long, and yet the excitement that he had finally earned them was missing. 

He began gathering the ingredients needed to reproduce the potion, trying like Hell to keep his mind free of that brunet Incubus that plagued him. But flashes of imagery insisted upon being acknowledged. He was sure the two men were curled around one another in Remus's bed now. He could see them so clearly in his mind's eye. They held one another close, the way Severus had held Harry only a few hours before. They were likely planning their future together now that Severus had provided Lupin the gift of a normal life. Were they laughing now? Were they feeling pleased, as if they had pulled one over on Severus- convincing the man to do their work in exchange for a few measly months of Potter's friendship and affection? Or were they too busy making love to think of Severus at all?

  
Severus’s hand began to cramp as he manually stirred up the next batch. He paused to switch hands. He stretched his fingers, made them into a fist, and stretched them again.   
Ah well, he had a life before Harry came into it, and he’d have a life after Harry left it.   
He had new things to look forward to- giving speeches at potions conventions, receiving ministry awards for his work in the field, publishing articles with his studies. This was what he’d wanted for so long, isn’t it? Perhaps it’d be enough to take him from Hogwarts and then he wouldn’t have to see beautiful Harry Potter and horrid Remus Lupin holding hands and making lovesick faces at one another. He could be away from all of it.   
Away from the heartache.

Yes, he’d run from the heartache as he’d always done. 

* * *

Harry didn't sleep that night. He could feel his body beginning to fall apart from lack of sleep. His nerves twitched and pulled beneath his skin. His finger tapped against his knee in time with the second hand on the clock above the fireplace in Remus's bedroom. Even as the man slept, Harry could see the life returning to his skin and hair. The second hand ticked a few more times and soon it was officially Christmas. It would be the most important Christmas of his life thus far, he knew. It would far surpass any with the Dursleys, and even surpass the first one he spent at Hogwarts, receiving his first Weasley sweater. 

It was the first Christmas, the first day, that Remus would be fully human- even in the eyes of the Ministry, if Dumbledore's written pleas to the Ministry were successful.

But even as Harry smoothed the hair out of Remus's eyes, he thought of black hair hanging down alongside a piercing, black gaze. 

He couldn't lose Remus. But the thought of pushing Severus away was what was keeping him awake at night.

How could he possibly let him go?

Harry would follow him into the depths of the sea, into the darkness of night, out into the stars and beyond...

... he would chase him at the price of another man's heart, at the price of his own.


	14. Chapter 14

Severus finished labeling the last of his potions then waved his wand to send them to their appropriate places on his shelves. He then transformed his outer robe into black jeans, too tired to change into his actual muggle-acceptable clothes. He needed a drink and a change of scenery.   
He felt a bit odd, going out to the pub without Harry. But he squashed the feeling down. It was _his pub_. He had been kind enough to introduce Harry to it but this was his haven and he wouldn’t let the bittersweet memories of his time with Harry haunt him away from it.

  
“Usual?” Eric asked.   
Severus nodded. It was nearing Christmas and the pub was mostly empty. Most people had loved ones to be with tonight.   
“Where is your partner? Er, Jaime’s his name?”  
Severus snorted and rolled his eyes. He still found it absurd that Harry had given himself a pseudonym for the muggle world.   
“That bad, eh?” Eric asked, mistaking his reaction as an answer to the question.   
Severus shrugged. He might as well keep it simple. “He’s returned to a previous lover.”  
“He’s a fool, then.”  
“How would you know?” Severus hadn’t meant to sound so bitter. “You’ve never met the other man.”  
Eric smiled and leaned against the bar, putting himself in Severus’s personal space so that they could speak more intimately.   
“How long have you been coming here? I know you better than you think I do. You don’t often come with paramours nor do you usually leave with a bed partner for the evening. This tells me you don’t use people and that you guard your heart. You always drink the same thing, which tells me you’re a man of habit- predictable and yet our subjects of conversation still surprise me which tells me you’re not only intelligent, but still adventurous despite being a reliable man of habit. You’re a good looking man, but you don’t see it yourself which makes you endearing and not cocky.” Eric leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest as he grinned as if to say checkmate. “You’re a catch, Brian.”  
Severus raised his glass to Eric in thanks. His words didn’t make him feel much better, but they were a kindness that he didn’t receive often and he wasn’t about to take that for granted.  
“Besides,” Eric continued. “I’ve been trying to court you for ages and you haven’t asked me for my phone number yet. Which tells me this Jaime character must have been quite special to you.”  
Severus raised an eyebrow in question. How was that supposed to make him feel better?  
Eric sighed and leaned in again, “I’m saying that you’re a catch, and he was amazing for you. So, you should chase him- go after him! Unless you majorly fucked up in some way, I doubt it would take much convincing.”  
Severus downed the last of his drink and pushed the glass towards Eric to refill.   
“What did you do, then? How did you bugger everything up?”  
Severus sighed. “We were never an item, you know. I’ve never had a real relationship. I’d never met anyone who I could see myself changing my habits for. There was never anyone worth making room for.”  
“Until him,” he surmised.   
Severus shrugged. “He tried to tell me his feelings. I shut him down. I didn’t let him say his piece. I believe he took it as if I was declining his affections.”  
“Weren’t you? Why didn’t you let him tell you?”  
“I needed more from him.”  
“More? How do you know that you needed more if you didn’t just let him speak?”  
“I need more than words, Eric. No matter what he said, it wasn’t going to be enough. This...” Severus sighed. “... _friendship_ only formed because I was helping him care for the man he loved. He was very ill. It felt more like an attachment through trauma rather than real feelings directed towards me as a person. To calm those suspicions, I needed more than words.”  
Eric nodded, understanding. “And then he went back to that lover anyways.”  
“Yes.”  
“Out of guilt that he’s ill?”  
“He’s better now. I was able to improve his health. Now that he’s better, I’ve been cast aside. If he still wants me...”  
“He needs to come to you.”  
“Yes.”  
Matthew sidled up next to him at the bar. Severus knew the man would be trying to pull a lover for the evening because he reeked of too much cologne.  
“He _has been_ coming to you, Brian.”  
Eric looked between the two men and walked away to the other side of the bar, pretending to make himself busy wiping down sticky bottles.   
Severus nearly growled out of frustration. He should have wordlessly cast a muffliato. Nosy bastard.  
He did cast a muffliato this time. Last thing he needed was for Harry to come into the pub and hear anything about to be said.   
“Look, Brian-“  
Severus raised his hand. “Stop with the nonsense. You know who I am. I know you’re a squib.”  
Matthew grinned and shrugged. He reminded him a lot of Ronald Weasley in his sheepish but mischievous mannerisms.   
“Severus,” Matthew amended. “Harry isn’t in love with Remus. He’s known this for a long time now. We all know what Hell life has put him through. He honestly did not know what romantic love felt like. He has been stressed to the point of breaking because he thought the only way he could be with you was if Remus Lupin actually died- as horrid as that sounds. So I’m sure you can understand his guilt. He didn’t want the man to die, but he wants you like fish want water.”  
“Fish don’t want water. They need it.”  
Matthew snorted. “Same thing. He does feel that he needs you. He just hasn’t figured out how to have you without hurting Remus. And now that you’ve turned him away he feels that Remus is his only option.”  
“Or-“ Severus paused to sip his drink. “Did he feel that _I_ was his only option, if Remus died?”  
Matthew shook his head vehemently. “No. You’re not an option to him. Trust me. He loves you, mate.”  
Severus ignored him. “Why didn’t you tell him you’re a squib?”  
“How did you even figure it out?”  
“I thought you seemed familiar. You look like your cousin, you know. It finally clicked where I’d see you. You were at my trials with him.”  
“Im far more attractive,” he argued. “He always admired you, ya know.”  
“He admired the death eaters. It’s why he took the dark mark.”  
“No, he took the mark because that’s what the Crabbe side of his family wanted for him. His admiration for you was why he had doubts. And anyways, I don’t repeat mine and Harry’s conversations to anyone. He needed that anonymity that he felt. He needed someone to listen without judgment.”  
“I unfairly once believed that he enjoyed being the chosen one.”  
“He hates it.”  
“I know that now.”  
“You won’t tell him, will you?”  
Severus shook his head. “Not unless you give me reason.”  
Matthew clasped his shoulder but Severus moved away from the touch. “If you want him, Severus, he’s yours. He just needs time to make sure Lupin will be okay without him.”

Severus returned to Hogwarts, feeling unchanged. Words weren’t enough. 


	15. Chapter 15

"Have you told him yet?”  
Harry looked up from his book to Remus who was pushing himself up into a sitting position in his bed.   
“Hm?”  
Harry marked his page and set the book aside.   
Remus coughed lightly and grinned. “Severus.”  
“Told him what?”  
“That you love him.”  
Harry felt heat rise in his cheeks.  
“No, I, er-“  
“You should, you know. Life is certainly too short to not be honest about how we feel.”  
“No, no, Severus and I-“  
“Are in love and everyone sees it.” Remus smiled kindly. “I’ve been cooped up in this room for weeks and even I have seen it.”  
“Feeling cooped up? Are you feeling well enough to go on a walk? Or maybe floo to Grimmauld? Sirius is there now preparing for Christmas dinner tomorrow. I know he was hoping that-“  
“Harry. You’re changing the subject.”  
Harry stood from his chair and moved to sit by Remus in his warm bed. Remus still radiated heat, though Harry hoped the fever would subside with the second dose he’d be taking later in the day.   
“I can’t change the subject if there just isn’t anything to say on the matter. I told you I loved you and I meant it. I won’t be leaving you.”  
“I've been meaning to talk to you. Been thinking on how to say it.”  
Harry smoothed out the blanket over Remus's legs. “You can tell me anything.”  
“I owe you an apology. You see, I’ve come to see that I was mistaken. I confused my health issues, combined with the gratitude and familial love I feel for you- I confused all that with romantic love. It wasn’t fair to you and I’m sorry, Harry. I don’t think we could be a romantic pairing. I honestly think you should pursue this thing with Severus.”  
Sirius often accused Remus of being an abysmal liar and Harry could see that now. He saw right through the man. He knew Remus was offering him an “easy out.” The selfish part of him wanted to take it and refuse to say another word on the matter. But Harry had never been much of a selfish person and he didn’t want to start the habit now.   
“Remus, I know what you’re doing-“  
“I know. I know. I heard the floo flare that day, you know.”  
Harry nodded. “I heard what you told Sirius.”  
Remus reached for Harry’s hand but stopped short. “I do love you. In many ways.” He shrugged weakly. “Perhaps I’m in love with you. I haven’t had very long to consider it, really, if I’m being honest. But I know that I can never be with you romantically. And I do hope you hear the sincerity in my voice.”  
And despite the bit of relief Harry felt at his words, they still stung.   
“Why? You’re getting your health back. We have Sirius’s blessing!”  
“I can offer you love, I can offer you stability. But I don’t believe you will ever look at me quite the way you stared after Severus when he left from the great hall, upset. I will not challenge you to grow and become better the way that he does. There will never be passion between us the way there is between the two of you.”   
A tear escaped Harry’s eye. He turned away from Remus and wiped at it with his sleeve.   
“I will protect you with my life, if necessary. But Severus will do everything for you because of who you are to him, not because of your role as the saviour, not with any thoughts of his debt to your parents. Don’t you see? Everything in his past dictates that he should loathe you, ignore you. But loves you despite all of that.”  
“No,” Harry whispered. “He doesn’t feel that way about me. And anyways, it’s not about him. It’s about us. You and I, Remus.”  
“Then you’re not listening to me. You’re not hearing me. I can’t hold you at night and be content that Severus could have been better for you. I can’t kiss you and not have doubts that you’re missing out on the greatest love of your life. I am not the love of your life, Harry.”  
“I can’t leave you all alone!” He protested, tears now falling freely.   
“I’m not! I still have you, right? And I have Sirius, Albus, Minerva... I am young yet- thanks to you and Severus. I will find someone, I promise! But I cannot ever be truly happy with you because I will always have those doubts in my mind that you would have been happier with him. Understand?”  
Harry nodded. He did understand, but it still hurt his heart acutely.  
“So, please, I ask only one thing of you. Tell me: do you love him?”  
“Yes,” he whispered.   
Remus smiled. “Severus?”  
Harry turned towards the bedroom door, frantic. Severus stepped onto the threshold, second dose in hand. “Ah, thank you, Severus. I’m ready for this next dose. Is it exactly the same as the first?”  
“Exactly the same,” he agreed.   
“I still have my werewolf senses,” Remus mused.   
“I suspect they might not fade.”  
“Great! I’d hoped to hold onto that one benefit.”  
Severus stepped forward even as Harry continued to wipe at the tears streaking his face. He handed the dose to Harry who then helped Remus drink it.   
“I’m tired now, Harry. Perhaps I’ll see you at supper.”  
He relaxed and slid back down beneath his blankets. Harry smoothed his mousy brown hair away from his forehead and stood slowly to follow Severus from the room.   
“He’s sneaky,” Severus said. “He’s learned well from Albus.”  
Harry stared at the man, dumbfounded. Surely the man had just heard his admission of love for him. He’d heard that Harry was free from any obligation to Remus. Please, Severus. Say something. Say anything.   
Severus cleared his throat. “All of the subsequent doses are brewed. He now only needs to take them and we can reevaluate after the sixth to see how he’s faring.”  
“I’m sure you’re relieved. You can finally relax. There is nearly another full week of the Christmas holiday.”  
“Indeed. And Lupin will be well enough to join you and your godfather come tomorrow, I’m sure.”  
“Seems that way.” Harry took Severus’s hand in his own. “Thank you.”   
Severus chuckled then.   
“Are you thinking of Roman's face when he sees that you’ve succeeded before him?”  
“In fact, I am. You know me well.”  
Harry laughed then, too. “I wish I could see it.” He took a deep breath, “Severus, I-“  
But Severus held up a hand and nodded towards Remus's rooms and shook his head.   
That blasted werewolf hearing.   
Harry followed Severus in silence nearly all the way to the man's rooms before Severus finally stopped in his tracks and turned on him. Anger and fire burned in those black depths and the look sucked the air from Harry’s lungs.   
“I am not a backup plan. I am not a consolation prize. I am not an... experiment,” he spat. “You cannot be thrown from that man’s bed and expect to land in mine.”  
_“What?!”_ Harry’s breath escaped his lips in a surprised huff of laughter. “You just heard me tell him that I love you and you think I'm after what? Pity sex?! You’re unbelievable.”

* * *

Harry helped Sirius set the table before Remus's arrival to Christmas dinner. His godfather practically bounced off the walls in excitement to have his friend healthy again and in time to celebrate the holidays with them like a family.   
“Sirius, I need to tell you something.”  
The shaggy haired man nodded, his eyes narrowed with concern. He set down the stack of plates and crossed his arms.   
“I don’t think you’ll be happy about it.”  
Sirius shook his head slightly. “It’s Christmas, Harry. Can it wait?”  
Harry chewed his lip. His godfather was right, of course. All of this could wait. He didn’t need to start their day off on a bad foot.   
“No, wait. Harry, I’m sorry. Go ahead and tell me what needs to be said. It isn’t fair of me to silence you just because it may not please me."  
Harry leaned back in his chair and grinned, though he didn’t currently feel anything worth smiling about.   
“You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?”  
Sirius nodded. “Remus told me.”  
“I'm surprised you haven’t brought it up, then.”  
“Well, he was very persistent that this is what he wants for you. He says you’ll be happier. I don’t like it. I don’t understand it. I’m not looking forward to having Snivellus as some type of...” Sirius paused, looking for a word that wouldn’t make Harry jump to his feet in anger. Harry admired his restraint in that moment. Perhaps Sirius was maturing.   
“Some type of family member,” he finally said.   
“I’m sure he’s about as keen on it as you are."  
Even Sirius couldn’t help but to smile at that. “Perhaps we are onto something here... maybe he would hate it more than I would...”  
Harry laughed. “An old phrase is coming to mind. Something about a nose and spiting your own face. And anyways, we may never find out. He won't speak to me or give me a chance, but I can tell there is something there between us."

* * *

Christmas was brilliant. Remus had taken the second dose and was doing immeasurably better. The cough had nearly completely disappeared. There was more energy in his movements, his voice held the strength it once had. They had Remus back! For good, this time. 

Remus yawned and rubbed at his eyes. He was already halfway through reading one of the novels Sirius had bought him. Sirius watched Remus from the corner of his eye and smiled.   
Harry thought he saw a spark of something in his godfather's eye, but perhaps it was wishful thinking. He wanted them to find happiness. He wanted them to know what it felt like to be so completely encompassed by love. The way he felt about Severus. They’d be so lucky to experience it.

“I’d best head back," Harry said, rising to his feet.  
“Ah, no! Come on! Let’s play a round of exploding snap first! The night is still young!”  
“Sirius, it’s nearly ten in the evening. Harry has other loved ones he’s wanting to get back to, let’s not keep him from that any longer. We have time on our side now.”  
Sirius smiled warmly and reached down the sofa to squeeze Remus's knee.   
Harry bent down to hug his godfather. His hair, as unmanageable as Harry’s, tickled his neck and ear. They told one another Merry Christmas then Harry moved to Remus.   
Neither one were unaware of the awkward pause just before he bent down to wrap Remus in his arms.   
They held one another a minute too long, and a bit too fiercely.   
“I still love you,” Harry whispered in his ear.   
“I know. I love you, too.” Remus squeezed him tight one last time. “Go win over Severus.”

Harry scoffed. “He’s being difficult.”  
He pulled back and looked deep into those amber eyes. It would be the last time before everything really, fully changed... if things went the way Harry hoped they would.  
“I really don’t think he needs much more convincing. Go be honest with him.”

Despite the kind, supportive words, Harry could still see through to the pain and awkwardness that Remus felt. He gave his godfather and Remus one last look before taking a handful of floo powder. 

* * *

Harry knocked on the door with far more force than needed. He had the man’s password, of course, but it didn’t seem like an appropriate time to just let himself into Severus’s rooms.   
And, if he was being honest, he didn’t use the password for fear that it had been changed against him and he didn’t want the answer to that uncertainty.   
Severus pulled the door open far gentler then he usually did. Perhaps he’d been waiting for Harry- which only made him feel more guilt because it was nearing midnight, surely.   
“As I'd suspected-”  
“-Wha-“  
“- exhaust all of your time and energy with your werewolf plaything then turn up so late at my door when you tire of him.”  
Harry’s face burned hot. He knew he should swallow the words down, but he couldn’t. He wanted to scream!  
“He’s not my first choice and you’re not my consolation prize! I don’t need you! I don’t need either of you! There are... a billion other people on this earth, you know! It’s not like we are the three last people on the planet and I have to pick one of you to breed with for life!”  
Severus smirked and huffed out a restrained chuckle. It startled Harry to hear it, Severus looked as if he might finally snap.

"Thank Merlin. I thought you’d never catch on."  
Severus grabbed Harry and kissed him, pulling him into the room as he did so. Harry kicked out his leg to shut the door. He clung to Severus. 

"I wanted you to choose me." Severus spit out as many words as he could between kisses. "Not despite Remus but..." His hands were in Harry's hair. "I wanted you to choose..." His left hand moved down to Harry's ass to lift him onto his kitchenette countertop. "...choose me even among the 'billions.'" 

Severus stood between Harry's knees, kissing along his jawline and down across his neck. Both men gasped for air even as their hands continued to explore one another, grasping and pulling at buttons and zippers.  
"Severus," Harry panted as Severus continued his ministrations. "I’ve not met every other person on Earth but I’m sure that I could... and I'd still not find anyone that I want more than you. I’ve felt that way for... for so long.”  
“And what about Lupin?” Severus straightened up to look in Harry's eyes, their noses only inches apart.  
Harry shrugged and looked away. “He says he would never be able to make it work with me.”  
Severus pulled away and crossed his arms, sneering as viciously as he had years ago, looking into one of Neville's cauldrons.   
“Stop! Please. Just listen for once!” Harry pleaded.  
Severus took a long stride backwards but his critical eyes didn't leave Harry's face.  
“He knows I’m in love with you. Okay? You heard me tell him! He said he could never be happy with me because he will always know that I’d have rather had you.”  
“Likewise your guilt over hurting him will always taint whatever you feel for me.”  
“No! There is no guilt now.”  
He pursed his lips. “Doubtful.”  
“Not guilt,” Harry insisted. “Some sense of failure at completing what I felt was my obligation to him but that will go away. I promise you.”  
Harry didn't move off of the counter. He swung his feet gently. He had to make this work. He wasn't going to let Severus's insecurities drive him away. “You see the world in black and white. All or nothing, as I recall.”  
“Yes, and that won’t change.”  
“Listen to me. Hear me clearly, Severus.” He sought out Severus’s gaze, forcing the man to look him in his eyes. “All. Okay? _All._ I want all of you. Just you. Is that enough? Is it enough to make this work?” He reached his hand out and Severus accepted it. He mentally praised all the gods, old and new, for that. He pulled gently, urging Severus to stand between his legs once more. "Is it enough, Severus?"  
“I hope so,” the man whispered against Harry's lips before kissing him again. 

Harry wrapped his legs around Severus's slender but strong torso. He wasn't letting the man walk away again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may add a few chapters to this, haven't quite decided if it feels done to me, or not.  
> I experimented with publishing a story that wasn't done yet and this wasn't a good experience for me. I felt like I had to rush to publish chapters, despite not being totally happy with them.  
> This started out as plot bunny that was plaguing me, but this story became its own monster and did not fulfill the plot bunny in my mind. I have a new, much longer story, in the works that still has this love triangle at the centre. But I will not begin publishing that story until it is done, which I believe will be a few more weeks.  
> Thank you for sticking with me through all this. Please leave me a Kudos if you enjoyed it! Kudos feed my soul. x


	16. Epilogue

If the wedding was beautiful, the gathering after was unspeakably gorgeous.   
A massive white, open tent beneath the sunset, crowds of people dressed splendidly in their gowns and dress robes.   
Sirius and his cousin, Tonks, came from a massive family and it seemed as if the majority had come along with Remus’s friends, every Order member, and Hogwarts staff.

Tonight, Tonks’s hair fell in dark purple ringlets which stood out magnificently from her wedding gown. She was stunningly beautiful. Her curls and the hem of her dress twirled as if charmed as Remus spun her around in a dance. 

It was the night of the full moon, but Remus was fully human. And Harry wondered whether they had timed their wedding at such a time in the moon phase as to celebrate both his life and their romance simultaneously. Or perhaps Remus was so free from the burden, three and a half years later, that they hadn’t considered the moon phase at all. That thought caused a content warmth to grow deep within Harry.   
Severus returned to him, two glasses of wine in hand. Harry smiled and took one of them gratefully before Severus was whisked away once more by Hermione’s conversation. Harry would call the conversation stimulating or riveting if he understood what they were talking about, but he didn’t. He only saw the spark of interest in Severus’s black eyes. It didn’t bother Harry. He was happy that his love and his chosen family had developed such effortless friendships.   
Harry wandered closer to the dance floor to watch the newlyweds dance. The sun was sinking lower now and the lights illuminated them so beautifully. Remus looked happier than Harry had ever seen him.   
On the other side of Remus and Tonks, Harry made eye contact with Sirius who stood next to his newest lover, Emilio, a handsome man whose dark eyes rivaled Severus’s. Harry didn’t think this would be the one that Sirius would spend his life with, but years ago Harry wouldn’t have thought he’d be living with Severus now, so perhaps Harry just didn’t have an eye for those things.   
Harry was glad for Remus when he brought Tonks to Grimmauld that evening two years ago to a family dinner. And even happier that he felt no pangs of guilt or jealousy that Remus had connected with her. She fit into their strange family dynamic immediately and Harry could see how happy she made Remus. He didn’t even bother to wonder if he could have made the man as happy.   
  
Only a few months into their relationship, Severus had insisted that Harry go to therapy. He’d been insulted, initially. For over a decade Harry had had to be strong for everyone around him, for the entire wizarding world, in fact. He didn’t feel that he needed therapy, but he went. He went because Severus had asked.   
In the beginning his therapist threw words at him like “PTSD” and “trauma attachment” and those words had meant nothing. But after a year or so, Harry began to finally understand and he learned to let go and release all of the wounds that he clung to.  
Harry learned that he’d experienced so much pain, loss, and had had to shoulder so much responsibility that he really didn’t know who he was as a person if he was happy.  
And that was when it clicked. “Mr Potter,” she’d said. “You do not always have to be working or mourning. You are allowed to experience joy. You are allowed to live your life without owing anyone else an explanation. You do not need to ask permission to be happy.”  
He still saw her. Less frequently now, but he still made the appointments and he always showed up.   
And he began to learn who he was and how to be happy without guilt.   
“Survivors guilt.”  
“Hero complex.”  
“Trauma attachment.”  
Harry took several deep breaths and cleared his mind. It didn’t do him to dwell on the diagnoses. Just focus on a future without the symptoms. 

Sirius smiled at him and slowly made his way around the dance floor to stand beside him. They tapped their wine glasses together and watched Remus for another long moment in silence.   
“Do you think she truly loves him?” Harry asked suddenly, and he immediately regretted saying it aloud. How foolish a question to ask at a wedding.   
Sirius chuckled. “What do you think?”  
Harry watched Tonks smile sweetly at her husband and he nodded his head. “I think she does.”  
“I _know_ she does,” Sirius said evenly.   
Harry turned to him. “How can you tell so easily?”  
“Because they look at one another the way you and Snape do.”  
“And how do we look at one another?” Harry asked, amused.   
“Like time stops. Like nothing else matters. Like you hold so much love for him that you can’t contain it.”  
Harry hummed thoughtfully. “That is what it feels like. And- how do you feel when you look at Emilio?”  
Sirius looked across the room at the man and growled. “Like I can’t wait to get him home.”  
“Ack!” Harry squealed in mock disgust.   
Sirius laughed. “I don’t think I’m much for life partners and all that. But I’m glad that the two people I love most in the world have found theirs.”  
Harry nodded. “And I’m glad you’ve found your partner for the night.”  
His godfather shoved his shoulder against his own and they both laughed heartily.   
“What are we talking about?” Severus purred in Harry’s ear.   
He smiled up at the man and kissed his cheek. “Actually, about how much I love you.”  
“Indeed?” He bent his head down enough to capture Harry’s lips. “Why don’t we go home and you can remind me of how much you love me?”  
Sirius coughed behind him. “Well, I believe that’s my cue. Have a nice evening, gentlemen. When I next speak to Remus I’ll give him your love.”

* * *

  
Harry fell into bed quickly. His feet and legs were sore from standing all day. He watched Severus appreciatively as the man teased him, unbuttoning his dress shirt infuriatingly slowly.   
Harry stroked his hand over the silky sheets, anticipating Severus beginning to lower his trousers. Despite the years, Harry still salivated whenever he could admire Severus’s lithe body. Silver was beginning to streak his hair and Harry loved each strand. His skin was softening with age but it only made the skin more pleasant to feel beneath his palms. He loved every inch of the man and always would, he knew. 

Severus crawled into bed with a huff and wrapped himself around Harry’s body. He held Severus closed and kissed a slow, gentle trail through his hair and down over his face.   
“Do you love me?”   
Harry asked that occasionally. He always felt pathetic for asking, but Severus never responded any differently than with a sweet kiss and an “Of course I do, boy.”  
Harry was thirty-one now but that made no difference to Severus. He would always be “boy.”  
“Tell me,” Harry whispered.   
“You first,” Severus challenged.   
Harry giggled and rolled over to straddle his partner’s long legs. “I love you, Severus Snape.”  
“And I, you.”  
Harry began to poke and prod every inch of Severus that he could reach in a mock physical attack. “Say the word!” He howled.   
Severus covered his abdomen with his arms to protect himself from the onslaught of tickles and pinches. “Fine! Yes! I love you! I love you! Stop now, I’m too old for this!”  
Harry collapsed on top of him, out of breath and still giggling. “Say it again?”  
Severus sighed but his face turned serious. “I love you, Harry.”  
“How much?”  
“You’re trying your luck tonight.”  
“Tell me how much and I swear to leave you be!”  
“Well, come here, then. Let me show you just how I love you.”

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry and flipped their positions so that Severus was atop Harry. He kissed down his neck, across his chest and down to a peaked nipple. He sucked gently there and ran his teeth gently over it. Harry shivered.

As Severus kissed, and sucked, and licked, be snaked a hand down between Harry’s legs and took his already leaking length in his hand to begin pumping at it expertly.

Severus knew everything about Harry. He knew his mind and his heart, but he also knew his body and how every bit of it reacted to touch.   
  


By the time Severus lowered his head, Harry was already panting and gasping with excitement.   
Severus took his length into his mouth, taking it all the way to the hilt, until Severus’s nose could muzzle at the bed of soft, curled hairs.   
  


Harry moaned and then his breath caught in his throat as Severus swirled his tongue around the glans.   
Oh, yes. Severus knew exactly how Harry’s body reacted to touches such as that.

Severus continued until Harry begged him to stop, lest he come too early. Severus always explored his body until Harry begged him to quit. It was like a ritual of worship and Harry couldn’t say that he didn’t enjoy being treated as such.   
Harry offered his body to Severus, to show him how he also worshipped him in return.

Severus slowly lifted his head from Harry’s wanting cock and moved his head down a few inches. He lapped at Harry’s entrance and each lick sent spikes of pleasure up through Harry’s spine. He was covered in goose skin now. His skin felt ignited.

Severus entered him then. One finger, two.

”More,” Harry pleaded.

Severus obliged with a third. 

“My love, please... please.”

Severus twisted his fingers around a few times, fully preparing him.   
Harry felt a few more drops of coldness as Severus added a bit more lube.

Soon, lips were on his neck again and Harry turned his head to capture them in a slow kiss. It was distraction, he knew, from the acute stretching feeling of Severus’s cock pushing forward into him for the first time that night.

Harry groaned into his lovers mouth. Severus was now fully enveloped within him.   
Slowly, he began to move. Harry felt so full and he arched his back up against the feeling.

Severus’s long cock pushed easily against Harry’s prostate with each stroke.   
“You like it when I fuck you, when I claim you.”

”Yes,” Harry hissed.

”Are you mine?”

”Yes, yes, yes,” he chanted. “All yours, forever yours.”

Severus’s rhythmic thrusting into him slowed to a stop.

Harry opened his eyes. Severus hovered over him in the dark, peering down into his eyes with a curious look on his face. “Forever mine?”

Harry nodded, confused. “Yes. Forever.”

Severus kissed him then and began the rocking of hips once more.

”Forever mine,” Severus purred silkily.

”Forever,” Harry agreed. “I love you, I worship you. I’m yours. I’m... Im... fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Severus took Harry’s cock in his hand and pumped out the last few strands of Harry’s come and soon Severus pushed himself into Harry as deep as he could, filling Harry with his own.

”I love the feeling of your come inside me. Like you’ve claimed me.”

Harry didn’t cast a cleansing spell and neither did Severus. He knew that Harry wanted to feel Severus’s seed leak out of him slowly over the next several hours. He was more than happy to oblige Harry in that small pleasure.

Severus collapsed to Harry’s side. That same peculiar look blazing in his eyes.   
“What is it? Why do you keep looking at me that way?”

Severus sighed and looked away.   
“No, tell me. What is it?”

Severus turned back to him, kissed his lips, and pulled Harry closer. 

“Marry me,” he said, finally. 

* * *

  
Harry knew this was something that needed to be done, just the two of them. 

He made himself comfortable next to Remus and they shared the tentative smile that never quite faded whenever they were alone.   
It was a smile to acknowledge everything that could have been between them, but never was.   
“He asked me to marry him,” Harry said simply.   
Remus smiled and nodded. “I assume you said yes.”  
“Mm. Yeah. I did.”  
“I’m happy for you, Harry. These four years you’ve spent together- not that it was any rush- but I wondered if it would ever happen. I wasn’t sure that Severus was the type to marry.”  
“That’s what I said, too.” Harry lowered his voice to an imitation of his fiancés “I am not the type to marry, Potter. But I assure you I am the type to claim the man I love so that any other who dares glance his direction will know the consequences they face.”  
Remus laughed. “Ah yes, that sounds more like Severus.”  
“Did we- You and I- did we miss a chance here, or did we dodge a curse?”  
Remus smiled sadly and patted Harry’s knee. “Neither. We chose different paths that both led to beautiful destinations.”  
“I like how that sounds.”  
“I confess the idea was not my own. Severus said something similar to me the day of my wedding.”  
Harry’s eyebrows rose in surprise.   
Remus continued. “He thanked me. He told me he was appreciative that I had allowed you to walk a different path that did not lead you to me. Then he asked me if I regretted taking the path that led me to Tonks. And I couldn’t say that I did. I don’t. We both ended up exactly where we were meant to be.”  
  


Harry admired the ring glinting on his finger. “Yes, I think you’re right.” 


End file.
